Ironist Gifts

No soliciting - especially if it's for a good cause.

"I'll give you 3 to 1 nobody else turns up."

'I limit myself to one glass of wine a day.'

The Best of Times/The Worst of Times

'You win some, you lose some. Don't worry about it. No one's keeping score.'

'I think we should both write our wills, just in case anything happens.'

"High school uniforms?! Can you imagine everyone wearing the same thing every day!"

'Center for the Study of Murphy's Law' (Closed today because everything that could go wrong, did go wrong.)

Clear direction from a panel of experts, 25?.

'Joey, what have I told you? If you can't say something nice, post it on a social media platform.'

'I'm telling you Thog, we're living in a golden age for culture.'

'I believe we got your blood pressure back up to normal.'

Motivational Tools.

Motivational Artwork - "I'm looking for something along the lines of Work or Else."

"Thank you for calling civil liberties - your call may be recorded."

A couple sit in the waiting room of an STD Clinic and the man says to his partner - 'Well you can't say that I never give you anything!'

Conflict Resolution Training - Cancelled Due To Disagreement Over Venue.

Expelled from school for bringing something dangerous - the Bill of Rights.

Bob's revelation that the key to putting things in proper perspective is timing...

'No, you heard me right. I need my air conditioner fixed not my heater.'

"Do I need it? Does it spark joy?"

"Opportunity knocking? Can you hold?"

'We're putting off the decision to fund you for at least another month. . .'

"All I'm getting out of him is a lot of profanity."

'I'm glad you had the courage to speak up. Now I know who to fire.'

'Miss, if ignorance is bliss, why do we have to spend all these years in school?'

'Beats me why anyone would want to keep up with us.'

"We like to treat all our employees as individuals. This for example is individual No. P3604."

"At least you're not being strangled by a mass of burdensome government regulations."

'It is truly embrarrassing Doc: I faint at the sight of blood... Can you help me?'

'With your liberal arts background, you should be able to walk into any employer's office and say with the utmost confidence, 'Wherefore art thou, Romeo?''

"I used to be a political lobbyist, then along came this chance to be a slug."

'Hey, this says our new bank card is now giving us 1% cash back every time we use it.'

'The door to my office is always open so please have it fixed.'

'Our new range of products won't make out customers thin, but they will make our wallets fat!'