Ironist Gifts

No soliciting - especially if it's for a good cause.

"I'll give you 3 to 1 nobody else turns up."

'I limit myself to one glass of wine a day.'

The Best of Times/The Worst of Times

'You win some, you lose some. Don't worry about it. No one's keeping score.'

'I think we should both write our wills, just in case anything happens.'

"This is difficult for me to explain, so I brought a prop"

"High school uniforms?! Can you imagine everyone wearing the same thing every day!"

'Well, it's common for folks to feel a sense of doom in the fall. The shorter days, falling leaves, dank weather can all trigger a case of the blues.'

'Center for the Study of Murphy's Law' (Closed today because everything that could go wrong, did go wrong.)

Clear direction from a panel of experts, 25?.

'Joey, what have I told you? If you can't say something nice, post it on a social media platform.'

'I believe we got your blood pressure back up to normal.'

'I'm telling you Thog, we're living in a golden age for culture.'

Motivational Tools.

Motivational Artwork - "I'm looking for something along the lines of Work or Else."

"Thank you for calling civil liberties - your call may be recorded."

Conflict Resolution Training - Cancelled Due To Disagreement Over Venue.

A couple sit in the waiting room of an STD Clinic and the man says to his partner - 'Well you can't say that I never give you anything!'

Expelled from school for bringing something dangerous - the Bill of Rights.

'No, you heard me right. I need my air conditioner fixed not my heater.'

Bob's revelation that the key to putting things in proper perspective is timing...

"Opportunity knocking? Can you hold?"

"Do I need it? Does it spark joy?"

"All I'm getting out of him is a lot of profanity."

'Wow! Buffalo wings are so good!' 'I don't have the heart to tell her.'

'We're putting off the decision to fund you for at least another month. . .'

'I'm glad you had the courage to speak up. Now I know who to fire.'

"At least you're not being strangled by a mass of burdensome government regulations."

'Hey, this says our new bank card is now giving us 1% cash back every time we use it.'

'It is truly embrarrassing Doc: I faint at the sight of blood... Can you help me?'

'Miss, if ignorance is bliss, why do we have to spend all these years in school?'

'Beats me why anyone would want to keep up with us.'

"We like to treat all our employees as individuals. This for example is individual No. P3604."

"I used to be a political lobbyist, then along came this chance to be a slug."