Ironists Gifts

'The good news is, you haven't lost water pressure.'

'Serving you is our number one job'

'I can't save your husband, but I can save you 20%!'

'We're all gonna have lovely hangovers in the morning!'

'Don't you have anything else you could read to me other than my life insurance policy?'

'It's come to my attention that you haven't been sleeping on the job.'

'Argh, Harold, what happened to you?'

'The good news is that we're going to name the disease after you.'

Irony - also spelled 'ironie', Ironie - also spelled 'irony'.

'I could use a trim.'

'I stole it from the library.'

"I work here because I need health insurance. I need health insurance because I work here."

Unbeknown to other, Thoreau would sometimes, in the middle of the night, sneak out for a few odds and ends.

I must not write Repetitively...

'He's had acupuncture to cure his drink problem.'

It was the health benefits that got me started on red wine.

'Why did you leave your last job?' 'The parole board finally came through.'

Hunter Caught In Bear Trap.

'You're just fine. The prescription is for me!'

'Don't worry, Jerry, we have a car. I mean, what animal could keep up with a car?'

'I hate you already... let's get married.'

'There goes a real ledge end in his own time.'

'Let's loathe a little television.'

'It worked!'

'I miss him most on pay days.'

'He keeps calling out another woman's name in his sleep. I live in hope that one day he'll run off with her.'

'Basically your career choices are death, or ironic self-parody.'

Help! Academic. Couldn't hack it in 'the real world'

'My wife thinks I should see a therapist to determine why I think I don't need therapy.'

'Stand on your own two feet, and get a bailout, like everyone else!'

"I'm not really a policeman."

Health and Safety

"If I'd known my life was going to be like this I'd never have run away with you."

"Some day son, all of this will be part of my divorce settlement."

"Now deposit this into my savings account!"