Ironical Situation Seekers Pillows

"After falling into a vat of radioactive lumbar rub - I discovered at the first sign of danger, I develop this amazing and incredible back back!"

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

"Little help?"

"It's about sex and revenge, except for a short chapter on the Continental Congress."

Twenty years later, Kim turns the tables on her loathsome former English teacher.

Time management office worker

'We want you to start working from home. And not for us.'

Committee On Feline Healthcare

In 1682 in a remote cave in the Ural Mountains, Heinrick Glaston discovers irony.

Vampire shaving cut dilemma.

"Don't forget to wash your hands."

"Oh George, I wish you'd get things in perspective. . .!"

True confession

'So much for his new glasses...he didn't see that coming'

'The good news is that the person who stole your identity is spending a lot less money than you were.'

'Fighting broke out today between rival U. N. peacekeeping factions....'

'Okay - which one was here first?'

Later that night, Tim crept into Andy's cave and coconutted him to death.

Yesterday, the warranty on the Wilsons' waterbed expired

"This model comes loaded with options, including a parking space in your neighborhood."

"Well, all your tests came back normal. There's just something wrong with that."

'The mincer's busted!'

"Gesundheit."

'Of course I remember you. You're Parker, the best man from the financial forecast department. Why do you ask?'

Stuck in the Conversation Pit of Hell.

Dunk Mosquito

'The entire Nadler family was devoured by a flesh-eating bathroom fungus.'

The Right Place at the Right Time. I'm sorry, sir, but if you don't have a reservation …

"You've got to learn how to bowl without irony."

SELF-ESTEEM CLINIC, 'The little-bitty door is a nice touch.'

"Wow! I didn't think we were going to make it through that gap!"

'Mr Darling has gone into shock, he missed his train - it arrived and left on time!'

Warning contains Nuts

'Yeah yeah... we'll do lunch next week when it's not so hectic around here.'

"I...hate...this....song."