Ironical Situation Seekers Pillows

"After falling into a vat of radioactive lumbar rub - I discovered at the first sign of danger, I develop this amazing and incredible back back!"

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

"Little help?"

"It's about sex and revenge, except for a short chapter on the Continental Congress."

Time management office worker

'We want you to start working from home. And not for us.'

Committee On Feline Healthcare

In 1682 in a remote cave in the Ural Mountains, Heinrick Glaston discovers irony.

Vampire shaving cut dilemma.

"Don't forget to wash your hands."

True confession

"Oh George, I wish you'd get things in perspective. . .!"

'So much for his new glasses...he didn't see that coming'

'The good news is that the person who stole your identity is spending a lot less money than you were.'

'Fighting broke out today between rival U. N. peacekeeping factions....'

'Okay - which one was here first?'

'The mincer's busted!'

"This model comes loaded with options, including a parking space in your neighborhood."

Later that night, Tim crept into Andy's cave and coconutted him to death.

"Well, all your tests came back normal. There's just something wrong with that."

Yesterday, the warranty on the Wilsons' waterbed expired

"Gesundheit."

'Of course I remember you. You're Parker, the best man from the financial forecast department. Why do you ask?'

Stuck in the Conversation Pit of Hell.

'The entire Nadler family was devoured by a flesh-eating bathroom fungus.'

Dunk Mosquito

"You've got to learn how to bowl without irony."

SELF-ESTEEM CLINIC, 'The little-bitty door is a nice touch.'

"Wow! I didn't think we were going to make it through that gap!"

Warning contains Nuts

'Yeah yeah... we'll do lunch next week when it's not so hectic around here.'

"I...hate...this....song."

'Mr Darling has gone into shock, he missed his train - it arrived and left on time!'