Ironical Readers Gifts

"Randy, if you were stranded on an island, what's the one book you'd want to have along with you?" "Easy: Blood Meridian by Cormac McCarthy. It's got the perfect heft to knock coconuts out of trees." "Well, I'd like to have How to Get Off an Island, by Archie Macguyver." "That title's actually a metaphor for overcoming shyness." "We really should have our own book review show."

Horror movies

"...and before you embark upon life's journey, could one of you help me with my laptop?"

'Stuck on a desert island, in the middle of the ocean, with only a palm tree for company, it's a bloody joke.'

"The only hobby we tolerate is working on weekends."

'The cutbacks begin to affect wizards.'

"We have plenty of time to catch the ark."

"This number goes out to all the little people I met on my way back down."

Creating dummy corporations for dummies.

"I became a mentor because I needed more direction in life."

'Oh look, the tide is coming in.'

'Nonsense, Harry, it's my treat. I'm filing for bankruptcy tomorrow.'

Library: Self-Help Books and Blame a 'Rigged' Political System.

"I forgot to turn on the alarm." "It's all right, Peedy is there."

"OK, well, if you do hear anything, be sure to give us a call."

'He's narrating it, I just know it.'

"We like to think of ourselves as a very progressive company. After all, a little self-delusion never hurt anyone."

'I'd say the nerve pain you're having in your jaw is due to an arrow through it, but perhaps you'd like to get a 2nd opinion from a dentist.'

'Let's get a kitty.'

"Et tu, Killbot 9000?"

'Making staff get a sick note after one day is essential if we're to make the whole system work more efficiently!'

'We've got truth, we've got enlightenment, and we've got serenity - what we NEED is media coverage.'

"All that praying for snow finally paid off."

D. H. Lawrence

Man reading 'Bankruptcy for Dummies'.

''Masterpiece Theater' will not be seen tonight, so that we may bring you 'Slushpile Showplace'....'

Forbidden Vegetable

Happy Birthday to you... Thanks guys!

'The sun lounge book of melanomas.'

Everyone at happy hour is grumpy.

Amnesiacs Convention.

". . . and if anyone here knows any reason why these two should not be wed, any reason at all, like, say, something that might have happened after a long heart-to-heart and a few too many drinks, for instance, last week maybe, something you felt bad enough to bring to Confession, which you definitely should have, because it's pretty serious- anyway, speak now..."

"I'm going to use Aversion Therapy. Get better or pay me $300 an hour."