Ironic Weight Loser Pillows

'Me too. I've lost 25 pounds. Sadly not in weight, just in wasted, unused membership fee!'

Executive gym with briefcases for weights.

'They say that poker is a sport. I hope they don't start testing for steroids.'

When Tia Carmen says... "It's time to eat healthy!" it means... "I'm only using one stick of butter instead of three."

"I'm trying to gain 10 pounds before midnight so I can keep my resolution to lose 10 pounds next year."

'I don't want you to give up eating entirely -- just the food part.'

"Turns out it was all water weight."

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

"I'm having you fitted with a monitoring device that will help reduce blood glucose during meals by automatically signaling the brain to reduce food absorption. It's called a belt."

"I'm trying to eat more vegetarians."

'It's the thin person inside you, screaming to get out - I'm afraid he's not alone.'

'It's the 'start tomorrow' diet. I've stuck to it religiously for 12 years.'

"Everything is fat-free. So why am I still fat?"

Have you got any nails? I'm on a diet.

'Hey! I've lost two stone!'

'Bottles water or other non-carbonated diet beverage!...'

"That's what happens when you combine lo carb with lo fat fat diets."

Of course she's thin - she eats like a pterodactyl.

"I'm really good at diets, this is my 50th!"

'Getting that extra weight off isn't hard. . . keeping it off is.'

Man with each foot on a set of scales.

"It's a new diet book. You can't eat until you finish reading a chapter."

'If you want to keep slim, you've come to the right place!'

'Cheer up, at least it makes you look taller.'

Woman returning from Weight Watchers - ""You're late - did you get detention?"

'It's really not that effective, but it's easy to store.'

'I only jog to be social.'

'It won't help.'

'We found that most diet books are at their most effective if you eat them.'

Book Store: Fad Diets.

Henry's diet allowed him to eat anything, as long as it didn't get in his mouth.

"Don't you think I should at least get a no-claims bonus?.. None of my horses have ever won!"

"Have you ever wondered why we're carbo-loading when we don't run marathons?"

'Do you want regular white bread or white bread that we've dyed brown?'