Ironic Vow Admirer Gifts

"Do you Death, take this woman until life do you part?"

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"We're at the top of the food chain and rulers of all we survey. What could possibly go wrong?"

"Oh, look- French! Let's try it."

"Hey, remember a few days ago, when all this was unacceptable?"

"Just don’t tell the other vultures. I’ll never hear the end of it."

He avoids wrath, envy, lust, greed, gluttony and sloth -- the problem is he's proud of it!

"It was a lot more satisfying before 'catch and release.'"

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

"...until death do you a favor."

The Snarky District

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

"Keep your money, sir. I'm on strike!"

"Our new information management system has just worked out where we wasted most money last year. . . It was on the new information management system."

"Bill is in charge of our Ethics Department."

"I'm afraid he left everything to charity... Oh, I see. I take it your name's Charity?"

Sales - "Any other suggestion besides getting a bigger chart?"

"The bad news is we've fired 80% of your office. The good news is we're fixing the coffee machine."

'Do you know how fast you were going?'

"The UWS association for the advancement of A.I."

"Day 736. Still loving the fact that I can smoke all over this island..."

'Good luck, everyone! Maybe this will be the year somebody finishes the race!'

"The last one is Uncle Charlie. He was pardoned in 1987."

The Final Selfie

"Here comes the quote unquote dog whisperer."

'And then, just to humor the guy I said 'I need a hug', little thinking that the big gorilla would do just that.'

Caution: ironic literal proverb ahead (fork in the road)

'Don't worry it's organic...'

Holiday cottage

"When I said that if only poor people worked a little harder they might get some money, I didn't mean my money."

"No more cartooning, I'm afraid. You've got an irony deficiency."

"And do you, Stephanie, promise to love, honor and 'obey'?

'My firm has scrutinised your budget and determined you could save a fortune by sacking us...that'll be £300,000 please!'

'If you'll excuse me, my car is on fire.'