Ironic Sweater Wearer Gifts

"And your reason for returning the sweater?"

"It was better before God took up knitting."

"If I'd known we'd be this long wandering the wilderness I would never have worn these heels."

Things I've learned...

"Shouldn't have, you really."

"Have you seen that sweater that you crocheted for me?"

'Why, yes, I think that's a lovely sweater, Peter... But you know the rule: no snacks unless you brought enough for the whole class.'

"We have every visible wavelength in stock. What color would you like to filter out?"

cat singing into microphone

"Next Christmas, I drive the cattle, you go see Mom."

"We can only distract the shareholders with our ugly Christmas sweaters for so long."

"Everyone's always calling my sweaters ugly."

"What are you complaining about? You've been looking for an excuse to go off your diet."

"Haven't you guys ever heard of 'casual Fridays'?"

On trend Christmas jumpers

'Do red sweaters have that carcinogenic red dye #2 in them?'

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I do have a cat. Why do you ask?"

'I'd like to return this sweater I knitted.'

Despite what his friends said about 'ugly Christmas sweaters', Chester couldn't wait to have his holiday pet photo taken...'

This is the Ask Sadie Show. You're on, caller. What's your problem? Global warming. Stop yer snivelling! You should be grateful! But … No more pretending not to hate your friend's ugly cardigan sweaters. No more lumbago or arthritis acting up every time there's a cold spell. We could walk around in the buff year-round and still be toasty. The benefits are endless! But it's so hot! HOJ.

Bauble

Christmas Ugly Sweater Contest

"That'll be twenty even—ten for the wine and a ten-dollar tax on the hapless sweater."

'I take back everything I said about this sweater you knitted for me.'

They're bred specifically for the holiday season.

"Ms. Hoffman, we're from the SPCA investigating allegations of animal cruelty. Is it true that you force your small dog to wear holiday sweaters?"

"It's finally 'sweater on, then off, then on again' season."

'Where Argyle sweaters come from...'

Ask me about my thick neck.

"There's nothing wrong with the size, you're just too small for it!"

'My husband's the loud, silent type.'

Great. They've discovered sweaters. The beginning of the end for the woolly mammoth.

Desert Island Delivery

Cardigans/Truckdigans: Truck size jumpers on sale.

Neck a little tight, sir?