Ironic Sippers Pillows

'If this is tea, I'll have a coffee. If it's a coffee, I'll have a tea!'

'It has to breathe for exactly 22 minutes; then I can pour you a glass - right after the sacrifice.'

Soccer games took on a whole new meaning for the parents of Hillsdale Youth Soccer.

"And would you like a wine stopper?"

"Physician heal thyself."

"The 'Ex' huh?"

Happy hour.

Gosh dern it, Cookie! Thanks to you the boys won't punch cattle without a frothy cup of yer Mesquite Caramel Cappuccino!

'No I don't do decaf, soy lattes with a shot of vanilla!'

I say when life hands you a lemon, make lemonade

Scariest Tactics

"You know, after all these years of giving you advice on all. Things personal and professional, it occurred to me that you've never actually asked for my opinion."

"Bartender - givish me another shot."

Man battles for his life against 'A Very Lively Little Red'

The wine was fruity and quite lively.

"The champagne aisle always makes me cry. Just look at all this imprisoned happiness!"

Nappy Hour 2-3.

Waiter, there's a fly drowning in my soup. Try mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

Beethoven's 10th

"You're not stepping on it right."

'Maybe you're sitting on the wrong end.'

'The wife and I have decided to nominate our weekly drink-free days as tomorrow and the day after tomorrow.'

"A cheeky little wine, would you agree?"

"More wine?"

'There's a machine now that tells you when to stop drinking. It's called a cash point machine.'

"Is the vodka fresh?"

Book Prediction Club

Olde English Delicacies - Maypole Syrup.

Tea Shop.

'Lance, the more I drink the funnier you get!'

'Happy hour, drinks half price'

Watch out for this guy. Worse than passing bad checks, he asked for instant coffee and nondairy creamer.

Drinker.

"I'm A Gigantic Starfish Endowed With The Gift Of Speech, Not A Miracle Worker."

Guy reading 'Irvine Welsh' drinks 'Earl grey'