Ironic Productivity Gifts

"So now you're reading a book?"

"Drunk, yet orderly"

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

Desk trays - 'in', 'out', and 'one of these days'.

Things-to-do-today: Daily workboxes piled up on desk.

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

Motivation to work

"It's a new target to target a time to reduce targets so that we'll be less target driven!"

"Some advice please...How do I squeeze 9 days work into 5 and still see my family?"

"Do we always have to work through lunch?"

'I see you're still trying to get the staff enthused over the weekly meetings.' (Meeting offers free coffee, free snacks, eye-popping charts, exciting videos and free idea pads).

"Meanwhile, obsessing about productivity is way up."

'It's a fake - but all the hanging around the water cooler is down 57%!'

"Ok, so you got the worm. What are you going to do with the rest of your day?"

"Has anyone else noticed that the efficiency experts seem a little robotic?"

"Give a man a job, and he'll work all day. Teach a man to delegate, and he'll take the rest of the day off."

Time Out For Teddy

"...simple, we topped the water cooler with energy drinks and productivity rocketed."

'My multi-tasking turned into faulty-tasking.'

"You should be able to get through your emails during the working day then you could use the rest of your life to do some of the work."

"Some days, no matter how much you procrastinate, work still gets done."

'If people who have sudden ideas really had light bulbs over their heads, it would be very dark in here.'

'I'm sorry you had to wait. My Time Management Workshop started late.'

"Oh, I can be dependable, and for another £200 a week, I can be productive too."

"Miss Jones! Clear my schedule until I get this sorted out!"

'I need a tool to measure productivity.'

Strategic Planning Magnetic Kit showing words such as 'increase,' 'global,' 'leading,' and 'profitable'

"A laptop has been installed in each rest room stall."

'Im so overloaded with emails, just one monitor wasn't enough to handle them all.'

It's to stop you getting side-tracked.

Working Environment

Doctor to man: 'You're a workaholic - you tested positive for elbow grease.'

'I'm the CEO of a large corporation. Of course my cough is productive. Everything I do is productive.'