Ironic Love Story Fans Pillows

'Hm, single female w/ wedding dress seeks serious relationship...'

Romeo & Juliet & Ron

'Well, the marriage guidance counsellor advised us to share each others interests, didn't she?'

'In a bizarre set of circumstances, the book salesman never showed up, but a drug rep is here with samples of Prozac.'

"Well, one good thing about summer...is I work more hours and make a lot more money. The bad thing is...I have a lot more free time to spend it all."

Say, aren't you my old shop teacher who said I couldn't cut a straight line to save my life?

Revenge Graffiti.

"Wouldn't this one look nice shrivelled up in the kitchen?"

'Actually, I became a psychiatrist because the voices told me to.'

Tycoon on beach listens to "office sounds" on CD player

'Hey babe, I got two tickets to the gun show, you interested?'

'I like reading romance novels: They always leave me with a warm feeling inside...'

Gigolo Diary

Equal opportunities inspector "I hear he got his job because he knew someone"

'Waiter. Tonight, we're pulling out all the stops! Get her the steak special and I'll have the pork chops.'

'I don't get it. He had the smallest paws in the whole litter.'

"Do you have any books on perception?"

Fairy Tales Can Come True

'A most powerful, moving and scary book - botanists will love it!'

'You're more than just a number to us, Hawkins, we see you as a real person...one with a poor work ethic and a tendency toward insubordination!'

'You really shouldn't eat food that are out of season.'

'Talk about being madly in love. I went with him for six months before I realized he was a space alien.'

Vanilla Ice Cream a la Mode.

"It's appendicitis, madam. No need, at this point, to pull the plug."

Violence in schools has increased

'Edna always wore rubber gloves while reading romance novels.'

'I hate these romance cruises.'

'She looks good because it's not natural. It's all plastic.'

I think it's polite to turn off your cell phone on a date. Oh, I agree. That's actually the sound of my ankle monitor.

I Really Don't Care Do U?

The Last Place on Earth

"Harumph. Some 'sailor man.'"

'Apparently my ex's idea of heaven was to punch me in the eye.'

She left Friday. He noticed Tuesday, when all the clean towels ran out.

'Why do people always assume I download my music illegally?'