Ironic Storytelling Lovers Pillows

Frying pan tells other utensils: 'So anyway, the Pot called the Kettle black and that's when it really kicked off ...'

Horror movies

"...and before you embark upon life's journey, could one of you help me with my laptop?"

'Stuck on a desert island, in the middle of the ocean, with only a palm tree for company, it's a bloody joke.'

"The little engine that could... after taking advantage of family connections, a trust fund, working two years for free as an intern, and finally getting hired as an independent contractor."

"Siri, who’s the fairest of them all?"

'I've had the place gob-stopper-dashed.'

"This number goes out to all the little people I met on my way back down."

"We have plenty of time to catch the ark."

"What did Jesus order?"

"Aren't you the estate agent who sold us this house?"

How I Spent My Summer Vacation: Page One

"Do you think Trump has read 'Contemporary Relativism and the Death of Meaning'?"

"I became a mentor because I needed more direction in life."

'Oh look, the tide is coming in.'

'Let's get a kitty.'

Dear Diary, 36 weeks on this island and I'm starting to feel that I'll never get rescued."

"I forgot to turn on the alarm." "It's all right, Peedy is there."

"OK, well, if you do hear anything, be sure to give us a call."

'He's narrating it, I just know it.'

'Nonsense, Harry, it's my treat. I'm filing for bankruptcy tomorrow.'

"We like to think of ourselves as a very progressive company. After all, a little self-delusion never hurt anyone."

'This pie chart clearly demonstrates the distain with which most people regard pie charts.'

"Et tu, Killbot 9000?"

"Hang on a tick, lads, what have we here?"

". . . so a duck walks into a . . ."

'We've got truth, we've got enlightenment, and we've got serenity - what we NEED is media coverage.'

"Don't we like the Brothers Grimm anymore?"

"All that praying for snow finally paid off."

Happy Birthday to you... Thanks guys!