Ironic Storytelling Lovers Pillows

Frying pan tells other utensils: 'So anyway, the Pot called the Kettle black and that's when it really kicked off ...'

Horror movies

"...and before you embark upon life's journey, could one of you help me with my laptop?"

'Stuck on a desert island, in the middle of the ocean, with only a palm tree for company, it's a bloody joke.'

"Nice epic battle between good and evil!"

"Siri, who’s the fairest of them all?"

"The little engine that could... after taking advantage of family connections, a trust fund, working two years for free as an intern, and finally getting hired as an independent contractor."

"This number goes out to all the little people I met on my way back down."

'I've had the place gob-stopper-dashed.'

"We have plenty of time to catch the ark."

"What did Jesus order?"

"Aren't you the estate agent who sold us this house?"

"Do you think Trump has read 'Contemporary Relativism and the Death of Meaning'?"

How I Spent My Summer Vacation: Page One

"I became a mentor because I needed more direction in life."

'If I inspired this love peom, how come it's written on the back of a Hooters' napkin?'

'Oh look, the tide is coming in.'

Follow me on Twitter...

'Nonsense, Harry, it's my treat. I'm filing for bankruptcy tomorrow.'

"OK, well, if you do hear anything, be sure to give us a call."

"We like to think of ourselves as a very progressive company. After all, a little self-delusion never hurt anyone."

'Let's get a kitty.'

"I forgot to turn on the alarm." "It's all right, Peedy is there."

Dear Diary, 36 weeks on this island and I'm starting to feel that I'll never get rescued."

'He's narrating it, I just know it.'

"Et tu, Killbot 9000?"

"Hang on a tick, lads, what have we here?"

'This pie chart clearly demonstrates the distain with which most people regard pie charts.'

'CHICK-FLICK' MALE LEAD CHARACTER ARC.

". . . so a duck walks into a . . ."

'You mean to tell me not one of us can write the word HELP legibly?'

"Do these puffy pants make me look less tyrannical?"

'We've got truth, we've got enlightenment, and we've got serenity - what we NEED is media coverage.'

"Anyone else would have ship wrecked us on a south seas island."

You're Out Of Order