Ironic Joke Seeker Pillows

'Oh, I hate when this happens! What do you do when you get a song stuck in your head?'

"Either that's Marmaduke with a lizard's head in front of us, or I really mixed up my meds."

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

'I feel like exercising. Have you seen my tennis shoes?'

"It's about sex and revenge, except for a short chapter on the Continental Congress."

'Whoooa,MAN,check out this STORM! It's PELTING down!'

Family members!

Artisan hot dog stand has pigs tethered to it.

Would you be willing to sign something regarding the fat content of your burger? Like what? My colon.

"My service animal for Alzheimer's, sonny!"

'Tell me this - did you have this condition before you sat in the jacuzzi for 100 million years?'

Farmer and FIsherman

Unicorn Working From Home

"Most women find me too cutthroat."

"Static cling."

"Wait, wait, back up, back up. Who the #!@! is George Orwell?"

'It's the pink spot, Jim lad - them rascals is going to try and tweak my nipples!'

What do you think about this "too big to fail" stuff?

Musuem. Galileo did an experiment by dropping cannonballs from the Tower of Pisa. I wonder what he discovered? Personal injury lawsuits!

Mort Park! You mean Killer. You're sprung, Killer. I'm free to go? Unless you're so tough now you'd rather stay. I mean a guy named Killer probably likes jail. Mail me my blanky.

"I've been dumping bodies here for years, and it seems to me that the sea level is rising."

'Goodness, the potholes are deep this year, aren't they?'

Drinking Companions

The Red Carpet

Bear who goes drinking instead of hibernating

'See, there are no people in your closet. Now, go to sleep!'

'My horoscope said I would be taking a long trip today.'

Chicken Funeral Planning.

Nit and Flea picking 'Next please...'

Vampire shaving cut dilemma.

Pioneers of the ancient west

Eurydice in prison

Arabic Thief Salad - lashings of whipped cream...

"They say it's the last of the really big cattle drives, and I'm just glad I'm here to see it."