Joke Seeker Pillows

'You used to be an investment consultant, Fred -- what should I do with this quarter I found?'

"And when the canyon fills up, that's it; herd immunity."

Mike (The Situation) is rumored to have written the original manuscript for his best-selling memoir entirely out of bronzer.

''...And defend the Constitution of the United States.' -- And now, I'd like to pardon the following Illinois politicians....'

"Look Mommy, hat!"

...and then I...wait....What's that?? Whoa! We're on a spaceship! This is fun! Hey! What's this button do? Can I pull this lever? Are we there yet? Take a selfie with us? Do we get snacks? Can I drive? Are we there yet? Something we said? Just imagine if we'd been obnoxious!

Invasion Of The Summer Aliens

Clown on bike.

Due to his low center of gravity, Jake is the greatesr broncbuster ever!

ACME INDUSTRIES NEW PRODUCTS DIVISION, 'The best part is, it can repossess itself!'

'Fetch.'

'Hold on just a few more minutes. I want mine medium well.'

Sounds that various toys make when they are vacuumed up.

A sheep dog has stacked the sheep four high - 'He used to be with the circus before he came to the farm...!'

Sympathetic nursing will work wonders

Transylvanian backpackers.

Giraffe Umbrella

The Runaway Horse

King Kong uses fly spray against the pesky planes on top of the Empire State Building

'Been Away?' A piece of bread looks at a piece of brown toast as if it's got a suntan.

Bad fake tan day.

Figures from 'Ascent of Man' diagram all do the Conga: 'Let's all fo the Conga, na-na-na-na ...'

Golfer Shouts at Ball to Go Into Hole.

Polar Bear ice fishing through igloo.

"I wrote this next song about my cat. It's called 'Please stop rubbing your face against my computer screen when I'm trying to watch Narcos.'"

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

"Well how about that. . . Lady Godiva bought a Harley!"

"I didn't spark joy."

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

A caveman paints from life

"If we only used bigger clubs we would defeat our enemies every time, and we would dominate them forever!"

"Four years of dental school only to tell all my patients 'Don't worry about any tooth issues - they'll just fall out and be replaced, anyway'."

Mom! Don't call me abominadorable in front of my friends!

"Remember that time you tried to kill me?"

"I'm just here to pick up some bagels."