Ironic Humor Liker Gifts

'Civilization!'

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"Look! No hands!"

"It's about sex and revenge, except for a short chapter on the Continental Congress."

'Of course I stretched first. That's how I hurt myself.'

'-and you're living proof that ALL men are not born equal, runt!'

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

Gardening Calendar: January - The Snow will be deep now...get out into the garden...

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

Winter Weather.

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

"The next song was sixties anthem for the youth subculture of revolution, anarchy and anti-establishment...and can now be heard in elevators worldwide."

"You are still here."

Madame ZuZu. Dream Interpretation. Tarot. Palms. She says the dream where I'm taking a test naked means I barely made it through school.

'If I believed in aptitude tests I'd still be washing cars in Accrington,.'

'Too many people in our state are overweight, Senator. They want fat-free pork.'

The Hammer

Public footpath on a desert island.

"The candy on the pillow is a nicety of the house."

'Looks like the perfect time to bring in our profit sharing scheme.'

Anti-inflammation recipes

Crime in bookshop

"Daisy, that fall broke my leg pretty badly. You need to go get help, girl - oh, what a big stretch! Who’s a good stretcher? Daisy’s a good stretcher! What a good girl…"

'I've had a few short stories published, but I'd really like to write 'the Great American How to Write a Novel.''

'Where Are They Now?'

"We should have done more to bring all the things we were trying to get away from."

Men Working Things Out

"That's what I love about social media. I can have connections with thousands of people and yet still be completely isolated and alone."

'You're a good man, Henderson, but you don't have your staff's respect.'

'I let my merit badges do the talking.'

"If find people express themslves more freely in traffic jams."

Mary Margaret, the best bar nun.

"I'll have dessert first."