Ironic Gastronomy Fan Pillows

"I never thought I'd be saying this, but I'd like some hospital food."

Before/After

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

Filet minion

Lockdown casserole

Where 'Turkey Bacon" Comes From

Vegetables VS Junk Food.

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

'I thought a perfect martini would cover the 'well balanced' requirement of my night to cook.'

Waiter: 'Your Tossed salad Ma'am.'

'I hate it when they order scrambled eggs.' (chef shaking chicken).

Organic foods stand manned by stallholder using fly spray.

'Good news - we're merging with Mellman's Jelly and Alpine Toast.'

Murderous Chef

"Man does not live by chips alone. There's also guacamole."

Waiter indicates cutlery for diner's tiny meal, saying: 'The one on the right is your mangnifying glass, sir.'

'He's cured.'

"The other waiters just spit in the food of rude customers, not in their faces!"

And then I said, "Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble ..." So he said "Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble ..." Of course, I had to say, "Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble ..." It happens every year -0 the turkey never fails to put him to sleep!"

'Apparently, the carrot cake really is to die for.'

'I tried the new restaurant today: they have a three course menu...'

The Chef's dumplings were his speciality.

'So this is a kitchen!'

All our meals digest easily forming a soft, mushy stool with just a hint of acridity.

"You're not totally useless around the house - you make a great appetite suppressant."

'Whale DNA was added to my embryo and now all I crave is plankton.'

'Do you happen to have a scratch-and-sniff menu?'

"There's a little jelly or something on your chin."

'I'm afraid I'll have to get rid of you Simpkins. You're not good for business.'

Dinner at the Mortgage Restaurant.

Seminar on Obesity in the Workplace.

'I never see the dog complain about my cooking.'

The Trace Adkins Diet

'Look, I didn't know they had salad bars on these flights...'

'This the plan...we will make the clients think that there is a contest, and the winner will be the first one who finds a finger in the soup.'