Ironic Food Lover Pillows

"Sorry, sir, but none of our food is very good. It's the chef's way of punishing the rich."

The problem with word of mouth marketing was that the word everyone used was rubbish.

"I'll have two lettuce filled, three carrot glazed, five celery frosted. . ."

Rice Cakes Gone Wild

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

Better Not Squash.

Cooking with Pierre

Cambridge dons eat a banquet outside to prove they only get one chicken each.

Vegetables VS Junk Food.

"Here's the pub-grub you ordered"

Free Range Chickens

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

Organic foods stand manned by stallholder using fly spray.

Waiter indicates cutlery for diner's tiny meal, saying: 'The one on the right is your mangnifying glass, sir.'

"Of course our GM vegetables are safe, Madam, they told us so themselves!"

'Trust me, Madam, that fish is fresh!'

"In addition to the menu, we have a few specials on the board."

'Of course I'd never have so much as looked at Timothy if it wasn't for his nose for truffles.'

The Chef's dumplings were his speciality.

'I'm afraid I'll have to get rid of you Simpkins. You're not good for business.'

"Say hello to my little friend!"

Seminar on Obesity in the Workplace.

"They're quite fatty, so to relieve your guilt I made sure they taste terrible."

Isaac Newton Discovers Gravlax

"The Normans are coming and I can't decide on whether to pour a simple consomme on them, or a more complex bisque."

"It's not my fault he keeps forgetting to bring food to the potlucks."

"Eat your greens. . . and your pinks and yellows and blues."

Winter lunch.

'Do you do the squished up little balls that taste of fish - or are you the wrong ethnicity?'

'The hair in the soup provides fiber.'

"The reason your meringue is crushed is because I distinctly heard you tell me to 'Step on it'."

'If you haven't got a low fat, organic, calorie free, ethically produced, free range option... I'll have the double chocolate cheesecake.'

'Perfect with fish?' ... That's sick!'

'It's ‘Enjoy your meal, SIR,' not ‘Get that down yer neck, Cock'!'