Ironic Educator Gifts

"Shows you how much I know."

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

"Of course I failed you — your essay was original and unique and obviously written by a human."

'We built this city on Rock 'n' Roll, yeah baby. Is not an accurate assessment of our town's history.'

"11th Grade Math for Nincompoops"

'Child labor laws don't apply to homework, Jimmy.'

"I've got the ninth grade chemistry class this term."

"I wish every teacher came with a warning label."

K-9 Garten

"I try to keep my classes relevant."

"You were sent to the principal again for horsing around? That's so unfair!"

'A restaurateur prepares macaroni and sells it as pasta. I want you to do the same for the educational program at your school.'

"And then after high school, I spent twelve years in college and majored in procrastination."

"It's a clear case of RLS: Repetitive Lecture Syndrome."

Dog Anatomy from Memory.

Benjamin Franklin

'Think Basics.'

"...And you get hazardous pay for study hall periods."

"You have to not only show your answer, you have to show how you got your answer."

"I give all new teachers the same advice. First you have to get the attention of the class. Can you quack like a duck or juggle two books in the air?"

'Today's lesson - how to slam a door.'

'Do you have to explain nutrition with a pie chart?'

'...And now a word from our sponsors...'

"Grandma, this is now how some schools say obey the rules."

"The big boot Italy ain't gonna kick the small shoe Sicily no more, capiche?"

Student about substitute teacher that is a sub sandwich: 'We got a good lookin' sub today.'

Lack History Month

'I've never seen anyone lip-sync a speech before.'

"Our curriculum focusses less on rote memorization and more on putzing around."

"If you opt for our premium package Ryan will only have tenured professors."

"How do we know this isn't a ponzi scheme?"

"Hitler's first name? I think it was 'Heil' Miss."