Ironic Commercialists Gifts

"Up here! Beef jerky, trail mix, energy bars!"

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

Stop! Stop what? Do not change the channel! Sex, death, harrowing footage of the most remarkable story you've ever seen, tattoos, rock-n-roll, action, action, action! It's all coming right up, right after this five second break for station identification. Five seconds ... You're watching Rock Television. And now back to our ... bored. Welcome to ABC. We've got thrills, action, more thrills ... Click. I've got your action right here. We've created a monster. Click click click click click cl-

Our Founder picture of a caveman: 'We're a very, very old firm.'

'If two wrongs don't make a right...try three.'

The Corporate Trust: 'Since we have an agreement of transparency with the feds, I don't need to remind all of you that this meeting never happened.'

"'Start a company, make money.' Your business plan may be missing a few steps in the middle."

". . . yes, sir, folks . . . and furthermore, folks . . . for real quality, folks . . . yes, sir, folks . . ."

"Ah yes, I know this bit...it's from the advert!"

"I'm so glad you decided to participate in our Money for Employment program."

"Guess what. School is presented without commercial interruption."

Seven deadly sins shopping plaza

"...but do not take Clynkovix if you are already taking any other drug with a ridiculous name."

'Of course, in the long term we're all extinct.'

"Before we made the leap to cyberspace, our stockholders made us promise we'd maintain a traditional street presence, too!"

'Thank goodness for these commercials on the nightly news or we'd never be aware that we need all these prescription medications.'

College Bowl Games - Sponsors

"Let's face it, if we were getting any customers they'd have been here by now."

'I'm not sure if it's the programs or the commercials, but one is supposed to be a lot worse than the other.'

"This is like the time you had me sell water as a 'diet drink'."

"Play it like, sure, the world sees you as just a hamburger, but you know there's so much more to you than that."

"Doesn't it seem like we just finished letting the air out of last year's tree?"

The Continuing Adventures of Mel Hufnagel, Corporate Head-Hunter...

"We don't build the toys anymore. We just order them from our factories overseas."

Merchant Bankers - Patience is a virtue, anyone displaying it will be dismissed

"Management think staff need to use their initiative more, and they forwarded a 65 page memo on how they want you to do it."

CEO Incentives

"We had to lay off most of the staff to pay for the consultants."

'Hey, I know how to stop famine and poverty! Let's have lunch and after that, we go on making money!'

"If we new this was going to happen we could have arranged some great TV sponsorship deals."

Street person selling bricks from wall he's leaning on.

'Corporations hijack government... details whenever we run out of commercials.'

Human flesh consumption up 200%. Well done, Wilkins.

'Willowby, you have great leadership potential. That's why I'm getting rid of you now.'