Ironic Bible Enthusiast Gifts

'He only reads it for the begats and violence.'

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

'Do you think that's wise?'

'The meek shall inherit the Earth!'

Moses' Tablet

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

'The Lord spake to Moses? You mean voice mail?'

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

Fishing with God

No, no, this is Terry's ark, Noah's is three arks down.

"Well, that certainly killed my buzz."

"What did you expect in the land of milk and honey?"

Adam names the animals (He puts sticky notes on them saying Shaz, Dave, Trish etc).

The Beer Garden of Eden: "This hard cider is life-changing. Try a sip."

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

Ezekiel and his Dog: "Have you been in the valley of dry bones again?"

"We've been wandering in the desert for forty years. But he's a man—would he ever ask directions?"

KING HEROD INTERROGATES THE WISE MEN TO KNOW BABY JESUS'S WHEREABOUTS

'Hey, wait a minute...Apples aren't indigenous to this geopraphical region.'

Noah's life jacket demonstration

Adam and Eve toast next to a serpent bartender.

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

The Reason Ed isn't mentioned in the bible.

Christian and Born again Christian...

"Will you stop telling me to feed the Zebras? We just ate the zebras!"

"Hurry! Let's go! The world will be better off without his kind."

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

Noah's ark, many lions

"But you can eat as much as you want from the tree of bullshit."

The First Printed Bible

Moses as a child.

'Well, there go all MY plans....'

"Wow, Jesus. That lesson rocked, someone should write this stuff down."