Investment Warrior Gifts

'That's Renfrew -- he's in charge of high-risk portfolios.'

"Are you one of those people who will complain a lot if you lose everything?"

"Get used to it, Eddie. Stocks below coat basis is the new normal."

The day the stock market went UP.

"Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Yay!!! I died rich!"

"This statement from your headmaster says that you can easily get a good degree...your bank manager says you can't."

"Okay, money doesn't make you happy. So how about commodity futures?"

'And finally, there is the universal solution.'

"When it comes to medical malpractice, most lawyers only go for the money... ...I go for the doctor's head."

"I have a huge house, millions in the bank, and a twenty year old wife. But am I happy?..."

"The only thing that's not gone up is the pound."

Smiling businessman with rising profits

Hedge Fund: Our 'Swaps' which mimic stocks, were voted #1 derivative of the year!

"What lead you to growing human tests in a test tube?"

"Here's what you wanted – a strategy to live abundantly, build capital, surpass your peers and disappoint your heirs."

'Since we all have to believe in something, I thought, 'Why not money?''

Man breaks piggy bank to find another smaller piggy bank inside.

"A wage increase to match inflation."

"If we take a late retirement and an early death, we'll just squeak by."

"Dow's up!"

'Our short-term solution is money. Our long-term solution is more money.'

Alfred Marquez, Probate Attorney - Heir club for men.

'So far we're holding off overseas competition.'

Caricature of Noam Chomsky

A statue of a businessman in a park with an inscription that reads "Outperformed the market".

"All those years of dodging taxes and chasing investment yield have kept me in top shape, right?"

"I've accepted that I'm getting richer."

'This investment fund idea looks promising, Harlow, but could you think up a catchier name than 'Ponzi Scheme'?'

'The nice thing about America is, no matter how the economy is doing, you can always blame the Chairman of the Federal Reserve.'

"We got the cactus account!"

"What do you mean, the market rallied?"

Grim Reaper leaning on scared trader.

"She's registered at Salomon Smith Barney."

I've managed to get your tax bill down to zero, this year ... however, my bill is $10 million.

'Hurry, it's having a nervous breakdown!'