Funding Warrior Gifts

"What lead you to growing human tests in a test tube?"

"Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Yay!!! I died rich!"

"Okay, money doesn't make you happy. So how about commodity futures?"

"Gas. Regular. Premium. Super. You don’t want to know."

"This statement from your headmaster says that you can easily get a good degree...your bank manager says you can't."

'And finally, there is the universal solution.'

The transparent safe box of Panama

"I have a huge house, millions in the bank, and a twenty year old wife. But am I happy?..."

'According to the budget, we'll have to count on body heat to keep the offices warm.'

"The only thing that's not gone up is the pound."

"I'm on a tight budget. Make it look like I cut at myself."

'The scariest story I know is escalating health care costs.'

"Here's what you wanted – a strategy to live abundantly, build capital, surpass your peers and disappoint your heirs."

'Since we all have to believe in something, I thought, 'Why not money?''

"If we take a late retirement and an early death, we'll just squeak by."

'Our short-term solution is money. Our long-term solution is more money.'

Alfred Marquez, Probate Attorney - Heir club for men.

'Our new simplified energy bills just have a few options starting with 'Grossly inflated' and progressing to the premium 'Bloodsucker' package. . .'

'If only you could do this with a cow once in a week, we'd save a lot of money for the food delivery service, Rupert!'

"All those years of dodging taxes and chasing investment yield have kept me in top shape, right?"

"I've accepted that I'm getting richer."

Great moments in science. . . 'Nice work, you've isolated the funding gene.'

"We got the cactus account!"

Damn. Out of quarters again for the Pay Electron Microscope.

"Does he have to do that every time he gets a little grant?"

"I'm sorry, but you'll have to get approval from the offices of Terminology, Evidence, Proof of Demand, Documentation, Measurement and Predictions before I can even think about signing off."

I've managed to get your tax bill down to zero, this year ... however, my bill is $10 million.

'My micro is so good it's beginning to grow into the macro.'

Breaking Through

"The nonprofit competitive grant season begins

'If at first you don't succeed, admit failure and ask for a bailout.'

The rich, the poor and the terrorist...

'Getting back into the market can be stressful. I recommend a portfolio heavy on sleep-aids, tranquilizers, and antacids.'

Investments: Yes, we have organic, local & cruelty-free stocks.

"Dean Williams, the grant committee approved my research grant to determine how many research grants are a waste of government money!"