Fiscal Warrior Gifts

'Unless I'm misinterpreting the signs gentleman we are fast approachign the status of a non profit organization.'

"Gas. Regular. Premium. Super. You don’t want to know."

"This statement from your headmaster says that you can easily get a good degree...your bank manager says you can't."

"How is the budget forecast looking?"

'According to the budget, we'll have to count on body heat to keep the offices warm.'

"The only thing that's not gone up is the pound."

"What lead you to growing human tests in a test tube?"

"I'm on a tight budget. Make it look like I cut at myself."

'The scariest story I know is escalating health care costs.'

"Seriously, do you expect us to believe you put on 143 feet a day in business travel?"

"If we take a late retirement and an early death, we'll just squeak by."

'Our new simplified energy bills just have a few options starting with 'Grossly inflated' and progressing to the premium 'Bloodsucker' package. . .'

'If only you could do this with a cow once in a week, we'd save a lot of money for the food delivery service, Rupert!'

Tax Collector

Currency Stimulus.

"We got the cactus account!"

I've managed to get your tax bill down to zero, this year ... however, my bill is $10 million.

'Getting back into the market can be stressful. I recommend a portfolio heavy on sleep-aids, tranquilizers, and antacids.'

After thirty years of hard work, Tom was beginning to get a little upset with the ball and chain forced upon him.

'I said we've got to lift up our numbers! I did not say to turn a loss of 150.000,- into a loss of 280.000,-!!'

Basic Tax Law/Loopholes.

"I'm not sure if that bill is correct or not, sir. We just throw a bunch of charges on there to see which ones stick."

'The operation we want you to do is to remove 25 from our budgets.'

Fiscal Cliff Dwellers.

It's 10pm do you know where your 401-k is?'

'Before you return Principal Harris's phone call, I would like to remind you that having a 'living' dependant is an excellent tax deduction.'

Tax Cuts Watering the Economy

"There's no getting away from the numbers....only by forgetting holidays, giving up drink, the cinema, meals out and socialising...will we be able to afford any quality of life when we retire."

MBA, PhD £100,000 student loan. Please Help.

'Funny you should mention that - I happen to be involved in a joint research project with the Department of Agriculture for the express purpose of getting blood from a turnip.'

'There's not much of an incentive after taxes.'

"Yes dear. But, I don't think you're actually supposed to dispose of your disposable income."

'Of course, that bid's just an estimate.'

'How to handle market stress' book being thrown through investments office window.

'...I also do some work for the tax department.'