Investment Fan Gifts

Stock Market Decline

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

'Now that I have your attention...'

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

Profit

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

"Gentlemen, I'm pleased to say the firm is perfectly positioned to avoid chapter eleven and still be in existence this time next year."

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

'Only the years when the market was Bullish...'

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

LEMONADE 50 CENTS, 'I'm only seven years old -- I don't HAVE a credit rating yet!'

'Wavering between being bullish or bearish'

"Fantastic presentation! All of the investors loved it."

'Investment charts can be complicated, son, but that usually means, 'bonuses'.'

"I made money the old fashioned way. I inherited it."

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

"Okay, money doesn't make you happy. So how about commodity futures?"

Wall Street Couch

'If only I'd spent as much time on my investment portfolio as I did on my lolly mix when I was a kid.'

'I'm sorry I missed your recital. Daddy was on the phone with his broker, checking on bond yields. It's another form of bonding, son.'

European currency on the edge.

All bets are off as Round One begins in the "Dollars versus Donuts" World Championship title fight.

Day trading.

Economy - USA.

'When investment bankers give parental advice'

I was trying to day trade my way through business school, but then the stock market tanked.

What do you suggest we do about this?

'Stocks were up on news that no performance enhancing drugs were used to achieve today's highs. . .'

"We're counting on you to reverse this trend before this afternoon's investors meeting."

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

'well of course I'm giving your portfolio the attention it deserves, I'm even wearing a black armband!'

Man pushing Euro sign up a hill.

'Not feeling well? Don't be silly - your EKG has outperformed the Dow.'