Investment Irony Fan Gifts

'Wine, mainly ??" what's your overall investment strategy?'

"Originally I wanted to be a stockbroker but found I fainted at the sight of money.''

'...But the good news is your old Enron stock has become a high-priced collectible!'

'There's a bear on line one and a bull on line two. Who do you want me to put through first?'

Markets and Marketabilityby Jane Austen

'our chances seemed pretty good until you lighted that 20.'

Dialed the number, ordered the tapes and placed hundreds of little ads. Didn't hit a snag until step four: Just sit back and rake it in.

"Well - that's enough from me, I shall now introduce our Head of Pensions..."

"Willis has kindly agreed to sum up our current financial position."

"It's a bill."

'Thank goodness we don't need profits in order to make piles of money.'

I was more a financial magician myself. I could make money disappear very easily.

'You don't know how lucky you are. My mortgage is worth more than my house.'

"Regarding earnings guidance, as my mother used to say: 'If you can't say something nice, don't say anything'. I'll be shutting up now."

'Sorry, I don't do financial advice.'

"The most important feature of economic predictions is trying not to laugh while making them."

"It would appear that our 'rainy day investment fund' hasn't even yielded enough to buy us an umbrella each."

'Willowby, you have great leadership potential. That's why I'm getting rid of you now.'

"Well, that's not a good market indicator."

We have boorish stocks for boorish times.

'Who's the wise guy?'

'Rumors...'

'You may want to consider diversifying your portfolio.'

"Run for your lives! It's one of those sovereign wealth funds."

"He's all the stimulus I need."

Got out of the market too soon, got back in too late.

"Reinvesting all profits from this gym into a string of donut shops is job security."

Help! Author of the best-selling book, 'How to invest' - but lost it all in the stock market.

'We can't increase taxes on the rich - the rich are the ones who made America what it is today - and you only hope...someday...'

An office collection for an employee penniless from too many office collections

"Repent! Or your return on investment shall wither and there will be great wailing and gnashing of teeth in Accounts Receivable."

Sunday sermon: 'Dearly beloved, restore our faith in the almighty dollar.'

The world can fry like a chip and end tomorrow as far as I'm concerned! I've made sure all my money is safe.

"What's the current return on investment?"

First Church of Fiscal Morality: The Meek Shall Inherit The National Debt!