Interview Quoter Gifts

'I think I'm decisive. Can I get back to you on that?'

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

'Alas, poor Yorick, I knew you well. But dude, you're creeping me out, so I gotta un-friend you!'

"Je suis Descartes, donc, je pense."

'You'll have to take an online company aptitude test, but if you're the designer we're looking for, you've already designed an app for that.'

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

I'm a self-made man!

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

"The company is very keen on diversity, could you reapply as a woman?"

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

'One final question: Have you ever been disciplined, investigated or suspended for integrity on the job?'

'It's a senior management position. We need someone who can listen politely, and then say no.'

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

Do you have any other skills?

'I treat everyone here the same as my family. . . like s**t.'

'A short economics test - if you bought something for

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

"You work well without supervision? Fat chance of that happening in here!"

You're next, Mr. Kimble - right after his apple danish.

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

"In addition to 'loyalty' are there any OTHER qualities you think you could bring to the job?"

"Bob doesn't do well in job interviews, so he hired me. I'm a professional actor who specializes in these situations."

"In my old job we were encouraged to run fast and break things."

'And we have an employee wellness program. By not offering health insurance or sick pay, we encourage wellness.'

"Wow...your resume is quite impressive."

"Can I multi-task? As a single mom I'm both the bread-winner and bread-baker!"

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

'Now, remember...let me do the talking.'

"Your CV will be sufficient, Mr. Cooper."

'So you have a PhD, big deal, everyone working here has one! The question is, what can you really do?'

Macbeth: Take Two

"Brilliant cover letter, lousy résumé."