Interview Quoter Gifts

'I think I'm decisive. Can I get back to you on that?'

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

'Alas, poor Yorick, I knew you well. But dude, you're creeping me out, so I gotta un-friend you!'

"Je suis Descartes, donc, je pense."

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

'You'll have to take an online company aptitude test, but if you're the designer we're looking for, you've already designed an app for that.'

I'm a self-made man!

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

"The company is very keen on diversity, could you reapply as a woman?"

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

'One final question: Have you ever been disciplined, investigated or suspended for integrity on the job?'

'It's a senior management position. We need someone who can listen politely, and then say no.'

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

Do you have any other skills?

"Bob doesn't do well in job interviews, so he hired me. I'm a professional actor who specializes in these situations."

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

"You work well without supervision? Fat chance of that happening in here!"

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

"In addition to 'loyalty' are there any OTHER qualities you think you could bring to the job?"

You're next, Mr. Kimble - right after his apple danish.

'I treat everyone here the same as my family. . . like s**t.'

'A short economics test - if you bought something for

"In my old job we were encouraged to run fast and break things."

'And we have an employee wellness program. By not offering health insurance or sick pay, we encourage wellness.'

"Can I multi-task? As a single mom I'm both the bread-winner and bread-baker!"

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

"Wow...your resume is quite impressive."

"Your CV will be sufficient, Mr. Cooper."

Macbeth: Take Two

'So you have a PhD, big deal, everyone working here has one! The question is, what can you really do?'

"You say you’re currently holding down 3 jobs...very impressive."

"Brilliant cover letter, lousy résumé."