Interview Quips Aficionado Gifts

"Don't you have anything that doesn't involve being a 'go-getter'?"

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

"Good evening several times and welcome to QI. As usual I'll be asking a series of quite interesting questions and some comedians will be doing a lot of knob and fart gags. It's a winning formula!" "Don't knock it. No one likes knockers!" "Speak for yourself!" "Was that an entendre? I'll have a double." "Mine's a large one!"

'No need for pump action, Al - it's the wife.'

"Allow me to respond to your question with a question of my own that I can answer."

'I was just beginning to think about my portfolio. Now you're telling me to rethink it.'

'It's a difficult position to fill. Someone who's smarter than me - and smart enough to pretend not to know it.'

'Are all of these letters of recommendation from your mother?'

"How else will I know when I'm clean as a hound's tooth?"

"If I wanted your opinion I would have hauled you in for questioning."

You Don't Have To Be Crazy To Work Here But You Will Be After The Training.

Men discussing a book on a chat show

"I just saw some confused old goat pee all over the bathroom floor." "That was a mirror. And that wasn't the bathroom."

'Sorry...you're not quite right for the position.'

'All of your previous employers said you are very loyal.'

Fisherman: 'HOLY MACKEREL!'

'Tell me truthfully,these glowing references from the Dukes of York and Kent are public houses aren't they?'

'I understand night and day, but which came first?'

A lesson in wit

"What do you mean, I hardly moved all night? I was constantly dancing around politics, religion and the weather."

'Personally, I like the look of the next candidate!'

"...and how do you feel about being labelled the new Great British hope?"

'Why do you want a career in the bank?'

'Just want to give you a heads-up that Danae is outside test marketing her skills in contrarian persuasion.'

'Yeah, but tomorrow I'll be sober, and you'll still be a giraffe!'

"We don't want someone who will sleep 16 hours a day. We want someone who will work 16 hours a day."

Job Interview

The job interview was more thorough than roger had anticipated.

That Pesky 'Why' Chromosome.

'You have an online degree from the college of hard knocks'

'You'll be hearing from us! Hello?'

"Where do you see yourself in five minutes?"