Interview Prepper Gifts

"I felt like 'data analyst' sounded better than 'good guesser'."

"I see from your resume you have a black belt in accountancy"

'I'm afraid we don't have anything for you right now, but if we get really depserate for people we'll be in touch.'

'Impressive resume, but tell me, what if we need you to relocate?'

'I can't put my finger on it, but there's something about him I really like!'

"I told you they had a tough interview process here."

'You don't have much of a work history, do you, Mr. Laren?'

"I'm long term unemployed because jerks like you won't hire me!"

"So, where do you see yourself in ten minutes?"

"Being unable to clearly articulate responses to questions, is a common interview mistake. . ."

"You have a killer resume, Phil, but unfortunately, we have all the dead wood we need right now."

"And look! I have my own nail file!"

"I'm sorry, but all candidates for our entry level positions must have experience."

'I see by your resume that you're full of it.'

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

'You bring an impressive array of bundled services to the table.'

". . .And are you a good listener?"

"So, let me get this right. All the job involves is running around a track as fast as I can?"

"Your resume looks good, but I am a little concerned that it seems to have been recently folded into a paper airplane."

"You say your biggest faults are working too hard and blind loyalty to your employer. What do you take me for… An idiot?"

'We're all out of flu vaccine - how about something for anxiety...?'

"For most people, the sense of panic will be mild."

'The golden eggs are great... but I need you to lay a golden parachute.'

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

'I feel confident about our presentation. If there is any blowback, don't worry. We're both wearing our flak jackets under our suits.'

"If the meeting goes on for longer than scheuled...I'm prepared!"

S.O.S. vaccine

Prepper Dog

Holiday Gifts 2020

'Please don't read anything into the fact that I'm wearing loafers. I assure you I'm a very energetic worker.'

'The candidate must be decisive and independently minded.' - 'Would I describe myself as 'decisive and independently minded'?' - 'Would you describe me as 'decisive and independently minded'?'

"Last question. Where do you see yourself thirty seconds from now?"

'University of Xylongatnyefxodyl - never heard of it!'

Trick or Treatment.

Fair readers, please accept these personal tips for remaining healthy and germ free. Public service announcement! Keep your stress low. Exercise, eat right, hydrate and try to get a little affection in your life, if you get my meaning. If you use someone else's computer, wipe down the keyboard with alcohol to kill the germs. Ditto with the mouthpiece of a borrowed cellular phone. Don't touch anything or anyone. Bathe yourself in hand sanitizer. Don't leave the house, and if you do, don't inhale