Interview Insights Explorer T-Shirts

'I forgot to ask her employment history -- I got bogged won in 'distinguishing personal characteristics.''

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

"Don't you think it's time we talked about Operation Doug?"

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

'Can you do more work then is humanly possible?'

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

"I see by your resume this would be your first time in a symbiotic relationship."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

'I think I just had an epiphany. How do I make it go away?'

Day trading.

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

Do you have any other skills?

"You work well without supervision? Fat chance of that happening in here!"

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

"Your credentials are impressive, Carter but... quite frankly, Mr. Biggles doesn't seem to like you."

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

"I'm looking for a 'yes man' who can say 'no' without sounding negative"

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

"I believe you'll like our company. We pay our employees time and a fifth."

"You say you’re currently holding down 3 jobs...very impressive."

And I like to call this my 'dance of the enhanced PEP at alternative firms'.

"All a cat CAN do is strive for authenticity."

"It's a shame, excellent recommendations and a superb skill set but lacks the boiling hot all consuming ambition and ruthless desire for self promotion required as head of stationary procurement."

'Why do you want a career in the bank?'

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'

"So, you want to work at our firm, Eh?"

Thinking with the left side of the brain/Thinking with what's left of your brain.

Help wanted. Various positions available.

'Cat job interviews.'

"It all started when I read somewhere that happiness is an inside job. Naturally, I assumed some breaking and entering was involved."