Interview Champ T-Shirts

"I've been married for twenty years. How's that for conflict resolution?"

"I can say 'Yes, sir,' in three different languages."

Inclusive speech

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"Matthew, did we agree to adopt a whale?"

'You lack the expertise we're looking for, Mr Wheaton - but darn it, I like your attitude.'

"Bob doesn't do well in job interviews, so he hired me. I'm a professional actor who specializes in these situations."

"It says here that in your last job you did a lot of traveling."

'You're on the shortlist. It's between you and the bloke who's going to get the job.'

'Is there such a thing as over communicating?'

'I like the part of your resume where you didn't ask for a raise for 10 years.'

"Maybe this isn't the right heartless monolithic corporation for you."

"I'll tell you what I'm looking for! I'm looking for a yes man, Jenson. Do you think you could fit that bill?"

We never got anything done around here until we invented verbs.

"The job is yours. You're a jerk, we're all jerks, I think it'll be a great fit!"

"I'm sorry, but you wait patiently on the line for an operator. We're looking for someone who immediately pushes 3 for more options."

"You have excellent academic credentials and a wonderful work history but we try not to profile people."

Develop Your Social Skills: Asking Questions is a Great Way to Keep a Conversation Going.

"Hmmm...impressive CV! Y'know, I have a feeling that you'll go far in this company...."

'Your resume is quite impressive. However, I'm a little concerned about you biting your last four bosses.'

'You're going to stitch me up in this interview aren't you?'

'No more appointments today, Miss Mitchell. I'm all psyched out.'

Bird on phone: 'Hold on, I have caw waiting.'

"Tell us something we don't know."

"Are you busy or are you at work?"

'Your resume is pure baloney. How'd you like to write political speeches?'

'Scoutmasters aren't usually used as references.'

'What's a guy got to do to get a drink around here?'

'I know I've interviewed for this position last month, but since then I've hired a personal coach. I was thinking maybe a do-over interview.'

At 4 years old most kids can say easy straightforward sentences.

"When I said you need to change I didn't mean it into ME!"

"Is it a 'personal attack' if I can prove he’s an idiot?"

'Your performance rating is terrible, Fenwick, but I like your looks.'

'Do you have any other references besides your mom and Santa Claus?'

'Him? Oh, he's my job interview coach.'