Interstellar Storyteller Gifts

"Gee, I just wish I had the words to describe this scene to you fellows back on earth...!"

'I was chatting with Krog when, out of the blue, that thing fell on him.'

How Glaciations Begin

"My older self travels back just to remind me to put the cap back on this pen?"

"Good Lord! Life on Mars...adorable life on Mars!"

"No, you're in the Milky Way galaxy."

"I've heard that seeing the earth from outer space can really change your perspective. I couldn't agree more."

"Did you remember to back up the last 4.5 billion years?"

An alien in his space ship sees a space sign that says 'You are here'

'...heard the one about the Venusian, the Martian and the Saturnian?'

'I'm going to Venus. He's going to Mars.'

'I must be reaching that age! I can't get my ozone layer up anymore!'

Local News in Heaven

It is said there is a black hole in the middle of the galaxy. But heaven knows what it looks like!

"I'm so sorry I let you talk me into letting you take your pet along on this trip!"

"And the Hungriest Black Hole there ever was ate everything in the entire universe and lived happily ever after."

"It's always the same: We go eons without seeing each other, I think I'm finally over it, and then...WHAM! I get pulled into her orbit again!"

'I'll come in as soon as I've seen the orbits of Venus.'

"There's a cure—but it's light-years away."

"'Let's try the shrink ray!' you said, 'what could possibly go wrong?', you said."

'You just can't win. I'm getting charged a ridiculous service fee, since we're in an outer stellar market, using a non-galaxy ATM machine!'

"You'd think they never heard of 'catch and release' before."

"Dad, tell us a scary meteorite story."

"Shoulda brought the weed."

'I was on my way to Heaven, when they stumbled across my blog...'

'I'm sorry for laughing Emperor Dorkbutt, it's just that in our language, well...'

'NASA is never going to believe this!'

Pentagon Science Contest: 'It's already an intergalactic spaceship that was sent here over a million years ago.'

'They wanna know how many we seen tonight. How many you seen, Roy?' 'Well, here's quite a few tonight, Carl.'

"This plaque shows nine planets, but their transmissions say their system has eight."

Crouching God Hidden Buddha

"So much for eternal rest."

Robot Beggar

James Earl Jones