Interrogations Gifts

Detective Dinkins always made sure suspects knew how good he was at getting them to talk.

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

'Still not ready to talk? Ok dip him again.'

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

'Can you do more work then is humanly possible?'

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

"I see by your resume this would be your first time in a symbiotic relationship."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

"Mrs. Marsha Mullhouse, of Kenosha, Wisconsin, asks, "Are You subject to the laws of physics, or are the laws of physics subject to You?"

"You work well without supervision? Fat chance of that happening in here!"

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

OK! I promise that the questions will be easy!

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'

"I believe you'll like our company. We pay our employees time and a fifth."

"But what if this is all there is?"

'Why do you want a career in the bank?'

"It's a shame, excellent recommendations and a superb skill set but lacks the boiling hot all consuming ambition and ruthless desire for self promotion required as head of stationary procurement."

'Cat job interviews.'

"And you need to know this why?"

"I see you have a lot of experience in re-tail. . ."

Bad Interview Technique

Presenter Auditions.

"Don't make me send in the bad cat."

"Everything looks real good...except these long gaps in your work history every winter."

"Your answers sound rehearsed."

"I'm a great ... umm... like ... umm... like... umm ... communicator."

'So, in room 1 we sweat them. 2 is for grilling, 3 is for roasting. We leave them to simmer in room 4...'

'But I think my strongest asset as an employee is my aversion to pretense, coupled with an unwavering commitment to a regular-guy persona!'

"This is a fast-paced job you're applying for...what are your goals...where do you see yourself in the next 10 minutes?"

'Vicious, intelligent and ruthless? Certainly. But I think my biggest asset is that I'm a survivor!'

"And where do you see your mustache in five years?"

This castle manager job better be for real.