Interrogation Methods Gifts

'This will help you keep track of who's who.'

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

I'm a self-made man!

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

'Can you do more work then is humanly possible?'

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

'I'm sure that you are highly qualified. It's just that we're not hiring anyone at the third grade level.'

"I see by your resume this would be your first time in a symbiotic relationship."

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

'You say you were King of the Jungle, but it seems your experience is mainly in savannah grassland...'

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

'One final question: Have you ever been disciplined, investigated or suspended for integrity on the job?'

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

"Yes, we do accept resumes online, but there's more to it than giving me your computer with your resume on it."

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

"You work well without supervision? Fat chance of that happening in here!"

"Bob doesn't do well in job interviews, so he hired me. I'm a professional actor who specializes in these situations."

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

"Mrs. Marsha Mullhouse, of Kenosha, Wisconsin, asks, "Are You subject to the laws of physics, or are the laws of physics subject to You?"

"I'm looking for a 'yes man' who can say 'no' without sounding negative"

"Wow...your resume is quite impressive."

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

"I believe you'll like our company. We pay our employees time and a fifth."

'Why do you want a career in the bank?'

"What we're looking for is someone who think outside the box?"

"According to your resume, you've done just about everything except ever having a job."

"That's the last time I write my own resume!"

"But what if this is all there is?"

And I like to call this my 'dance of the enhanced PEP at alternative firms'.

"It's a shame, excellent recommendations and a superb skill set but lacks the boiling hot all consuming ambition and ruthless desire for self promotion required as head of stationary procurement."