Interrogations Pillows

Detective Dinkins always made sure suspects knew how good he was at getting them to talk.

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

'Still not ready to talk? Ok dip him again.'

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

'Can you do more work then is humanly possible?'

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

"I see by your resume this would be your first time in a symbiotic relationship."

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

"You work well without supervision? Fat chance of that happening in here!"

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

"Mrs. Marsha Mullhouse, of Kenosha, Wisconsin, asks, "Are You subject to the laws of physics, or are the laws of physics subject to You?"

OK! I promise that the questions will be easy!

'Why do you want a career in the bank?'

"But what if this is all there is?"

"I believe you'll like our company. We pay our employees time and a fifth."

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'

"It's a shame, excellent recommendations and a superb skill set but lacks the boiling hot all consuming ambition and ruthless desire for self promotion required as head of stationary procurement."

'Cat job interviews.'

"And you need to know this why?"

Bad Interview Technique

"Everything looks real good...except these long gaps in your work history every winter."

"Don't make me send in the bad cat."

"Your answers sound rehearsed."

"I'm a great ... umm... like ... umm... like... umm ... communicator."

'So, in room 1 we sweat them. 2 is for grilling, 3 is for roasting. We leave them to simmer in room 4...'

'But I think my strongest asset as an employee is my aversion to pretense, coupled with an unwavering commitment to a regular-guy persona!'

"This is a fast-paced job you're applying for...what are your goals...where do you see yourself in the next 10 minutes?"

Presenter Auditions.

'Vicious, intelligent and ruthless? Certainly. But I think my biggest asset is that I'm a survivor!'

This castle manager job better be for real.

"And where do you see your mustache in five years?"

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'