Internship Survivor Gifts

"Been following me around all morning. I think it's the new intern."

'As the intern, it'll be your job to work for free.'

'I clawed my way to the top and then I clawed my way back to the middle.'

Gary turns 40.

Piano and Pianist with broken legs.

Evil Exams!

Garrett knew it was important to jeep his brain from overheating during big tests.

I feel better than ever physically but I'm totally obsolete at work. In life 60 is the new 40. In the workplace 40 is the new 60.

"That's the last time I write my own resume!"

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

'I got a good place in my exams today. Right next to the radiator.'

"This is one of those great jobs you'd be willing to do for free. Will you do it for free?"

"If animals can be cloned, why can't homework be cloned?"

"If nothing else, school has prepared me for a lifetime of backpacking."

'First semester, you learn the numbers. Second semester, you use them to count the days 'til school is out.'

Why do I have to go to camp? What's the alternative? Fend for myself like the resourceful youth of old! Right! The kind who worked dawn to dusk! I'll tell your dad you'll be right over to haul mulch for the nursery. The baseball camp sounds plenty rugged!

"Homework! Homework! Homework! I'll be doing this for hours! Talk about a misspent youth."

"Will this job involve multiple choice, true and false, or essay questions?"

Sporting maladies.

"He told me I was a flip phone expected to do a smart phone job."

"I see you do all your own stunts."

'Think of it as a buyout package, Bob...without the 'buy' and just the 'out'!'

"Help, I'm being micro managed."

'You've got a broken finger.'

"Can you characterize yourself in five words."

Tax grab.

"A High-Pain Job? Yes, I believe we have that."

'Bloody plaster of Paris.'

"Where do you see yourself after 5 beers?"

Academia Can Kill By Degrees

"Go to sleep, Harold... you've prepared enough for the third years!"

'Where do you see yourself five years from now?'

I have an opening for someone like you. It's called a door.

'Really?! You didn't get fired today, either?! That's 60 days in a row! I'm so proud of you!'

'Thank you for calling the IRS... Press one for laughter in the background, press two for crying in the background.'