Internship Survivors Gifts

You don't have to be paid to work here but it helps!

'I clawed my way to the top and then I clawed my way back to the middle.'

"Been following me around all morning. I think it's the new intern."

Piano and Pianist with broken legs.

Evil Exams!

Gary turns 40.

Garrett knew it was important to jeep his brain from overheating during big tests.

"That's the last time I write my own resume!"

I feel better than ever physically but I'm totally obsolete at work. In life 60 is the new 40. In the workplace 40 is the new 60.

"If animals can be cloned, why can't homework be cloned?"

'I got a good place in my exams today. Right next to the radiator.'

"This is one of those great jobs you'd be willing to do for free. Will you do it for free?"

"If nothing else, school has prepared me for a lifetime of backpacking."

'First semester, you learn the numbers. Second semester, you use them to count the days 'til school is out.'

Why do I have to go to camp? What's the alternative? Fend for myself like the resourceful youth of old! Right! The kind who worked dawn to dusk! I'll tell your dad you'll be right over to haul mulch for the nursery. The baseball camp sounds plenty rugged!

"Homework! Homework! Homework! I'll be doing this for hours! Talk about a misspent youth."

'As the intern, it'll be your job to work for free.'

"Will this job involve multiple choice, true and false, or essay questions?"

Sporting maladies.

"I see you do all your own stunts."

There's a toxic cloud moving in our direction! Hurry! Teddy's home from sports camp. Ha. Ha. Ha.

"He told me I was a flip phone expected to do a smart phone job."

'Think of it as a buyout package, Bob...without the 'buy' and just the 'out'!'

'You've got a broken finger.'

"Help, I'm being micro managed."

"A High-Pain Job? Yes, I believe we have that."

Tax grab.

Academia Can Kill By Degrees

"Can you characterize yourself in five words."

"Where do you see yourself after 5 beers?"

'Bloody plaster of Paris.'

"Go to sleep, Harold... you've prepared enough for the third years!"

'Where do you see yourself five years from now?'

I have an opening for someone like you. It's called a door.

'Thank you for calling the IRS... Press one for laughter in the background, press two for crying in the background.'