Internet Humor Aficionados Pillows

'Somebody posted his hidden agendas on the Internet.'

'Alas, poor Yorick, I knew you well. But dude, you're creeping me out, so I gotta un-friend you!'

'I don't like heights...maybe that's why I've had so many low points in my life.'

Unemotional Support Animal

"Congratulations. It's a chick."

"Hang on. Mommy's just checking to see if she's still relevant to the outside world."

Dickens & Tolstoy Walk into a Bar: " . . . so, to make a short story long . . . "

Stairlift around cliff face.

"Darling... I think the Baby's been eating the fridge magnets again."

6,000 BC: Neolithic Barbecue

Stormy weather

"WOW, we're on top of the world!"

"He doesn’t say much, but he thinks a lot."

Cheating Death.

Chasebook

"They say we destroy plants – such as potatoes, corn and carrots – and they're boycotting us. They're fruitarians."

'We have to forfeit, Three of our players got squashed on the way over here,'

"Very Presidential."

'Dang, you were right! It is formal!'

'Yeah, but if it's NOT a mirage, maybe we can find Mapquest on it!'

"The first step is admitting you're a dog."

"Oh, it's alright. You couldn't know that I'm honey-intolerant."

'Do we want to tackle this head on, or just stun it with a glancing blow until next Monday?'

Girl who can't cook meets guy who can't fix stuff.

'It's in my belly-button if you must know!'

Watchdog on Holiday

"Don't even think about it! I am the property of the English Monarch!"

'All right pal, just hand over the nose and nobody gets hurt.'

Remember, honey, abracadabra doesn't work anymore. Now it's command, option, shift.

"So yeah - This is my ideal first date."

"When Harold first said he identified as a balloon animal I thought it was just a phase, but here we are fifteen years later and it seems to be working."