Internet Fad Follower Pillows

'I'm glad that guy calling for Fenton and Jesus Christ has finally shut up.'

"I don't like the food here, but the photos I paot make my friends envious."

'We lose more productivity to viral internet memes than we do to actual viruses.'

"So, explain this photobomb concept one more time."

"I'm not sure cuteness counts as a core competency? but hey if it gets hits, you're on."

"Greetings, I'm the bluebird of dank memes."

Sale on the same stuff as last week.

"Where do we put Desserts?"

"I've seem an awful lot of movies ever since they cut them all down to two minutes."

"Do you do temporary ones that last about two weeks?"

Studies show foods work miracles!

The Popularity of Pickleball Inspires a New Wave of Hybrid Sports.

On Aug. 3, 1992, the Moon rose over the horizon wearing heavy eye-liner and mohawk. Fortunately it was just a phase.

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

'Miss Raleigh. I'm studying megatrends. Bring me some megavitamins.'

"We're making a video of us watching TV so we can watch ourselves watching TV...later."

'If you're looking for compensatory materialism on wheels, look no further.'

Spontaneous Kombucha

"Like my new haircut?"

Need a vitaminlike pill, but don't want to risk the side effects? Then try the world's first multivitamin placebo! They don't do any good, but they don't do any harm either.

"Pumpkin spice has been very good to me."

Final words on gravestones.

"D'you remember caramel before it all became 'salted?'"

Giraffe Selfie

"You'll find that as a restaurateur I've worked hard to showcase the finest in organic and free range ingredients that have been harvested and prepared in authentic and traditional ways."

"Honey, why don’t you tell Tony and Karen about your microdosing-healing-group thingy or whatever the heck it is?"

"This afternoon, we'll be turning our attention to Guess jeans."

"Somehow, some way, we have to guide these people back to reality!"

An alternative theory as to why dinosaurs are extinct.

"Not until you've arranged your pillows."

Bartlett's Unfamiliar Quotations

Man with long beard looks at centerfold in Beard Monthly magazine.

"I've been wondering if there isn't some way we could capitalize on the cat craze."

"One man with a mustache is manly. Sexy. Magnetic."

"Cut down on the pumpkin spice."