Internet Comedian Gifts

Content Street Vendor

A frat party at an online university

"Thank you for participating in this poll, but because your answers do not coincide with your social media rantings, you're obviously lying."

"I wish I knew you as well as Google does!"

"By ordering online you get a year's supply of junk mail."

'Your 15 minutes of fame will be from making a fool of yourself on youtube.'

"I don't understand this... Nobody wants to buy my car on eBay, but I got 14 bids for my tie..."

"No, that's not nuclear strikes already, that's Facebook and Twitter exploding over the Trump win."

'Alas, poor Yorick, I knew you well. But dude, you're creeping me out, so I gotta un-friend you!'

"Eat not of the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge. Its sources have yet to be verified."

"Would you like to keep eighty-seven tabs open?"

"Did you get my tweet?"

I put a picture of my lunch on Facebook, and nobody hit "like." Who doesn't like Slim Jims and beer?

"Hang on. Mommy's just checking to see if she's still relevant to the outside world."

"Sorry, website closed for lunch."

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

"I'll have you know that, '#dirtylitterbox' is trending on Twitter."

"That's the trouble with cute kittens - they attract a lot of traffic."

"She looks just like in your photos."

'Yeah, but if it's NOT a mirage, maybe we can find Mapquest on it!'

Aladdin conjures up a virtual genie.

Chasebook

'Oh no! Is this a blogger I saw before me?'

Twitter that!

Advertising on the internet.

"....and then it turned out that the e-mail I ignored that I got from the Nigerian bank offering me £200 million was REAL!"

"If he has more than 20 followers on Twitter we call him a 'celebrity'."

"You looked a lot bigger on your dating profile."

Facebook For Dogs.

"Can you take a video of me attacking the garbage so I can post it on Instagram?"

"Great, the end of the world and I'm going to be first on facebook with pictures!!"

"Just right click, save as, and now you own the complete works of William Shakespeare."

I've founded my own religion. Of course you have, Rudy. It's off to a good start. Already, it's being mocked by people of other faiths. If history's any guide, within a couple hundred years, it'll be widely accepted and people who don't believe in it will be persecuted. What are the central tenets of your religion? A true Rudian knows that life is suffering, and winning arguments online is salvation.

"Honey, our pop-up blocker stopped working again."

'Did you auction off our house on eBay?'