Internet Antagonist Pillows

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

Hello, my name is riskyy@ronny5 and I am addicted to comments boards.

I.T. Fear

'Now I know why the strategy guide warned against entering the 5th stage. Awesome!'

"So I'm perfectly healthy? That's good but will I still be able to research symptoms online and panic?"

Spammatic blaster - gun to shoot pop-up ads.

Internet Cafe.

'What an execrable day. I got drenched in a Wiki leak and buried in a document dump.'

'My daughter read on the internet about a hip replacement with free built-in MP3 player,'

"I only told a few friends."

'I have the MRI scan of your brain. The right hemisphere is clogged with computer passwords.'

Spam traps on mobiles

"...And those are some of the books I would have read if the Internet had never been invented."

"Yes, I'm a superhero. I'm not attractive, muscular or charming because I work in the 'cyber crimes' division."

"Well, who you gonna believe? Me or Wikipedia?"

"We understand you're not happy with our privacy policy."

"When I was a kid there was no internet. If you wanted to bully someone, you had to do it to their face."

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

"We don't need a digital security guard. Hackers don't actually come to our house."

"My goodness, Gurkenham! This is the worst case of identity theft I've ever seen!"

'I'm pleased to announce the newly-created 'Office of Homepage Security' - to protect against computer hackers.'

"Whatever the politicians might decide, I'm well prepared because I've got enough hate comments for the next five years!"

"Great! Now I'm torn between whether to post rants on X or Meta."

"Ms Hathaway, I need to test my mettle. Find someone on social media who thinks they can bully me."

Meta data retention.

"No, as of yet, they are not on the internet!"