Internet Antagonist Gifts

"I got 5,000 on-line enemies!"

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

'Now I know why the strategy guide warned against entering the 5th stage. Awesome!'

Hello, my name is riskyy@ronny5 and I am addicted to comments boards.

I.T. Fear

"You're stealing from the rich and selling it to the poor on Craigslist?"

"So I'm perfectly healthy? That's good but will I still be able to research symptoms online and panic?"

Spammatic blaster - gun to shoot pop-up ads.

"David live a rich, full life, despite what his Wikipedia page says."

Internet Cafe.

Coffee. The phrase "where everybody knows your name" used to sound warm and friendly. Now, with all our personal information exposed online, it sounds scary!

'What an execrable day. I got drenched in a Wiki leak and buried in a document dump.'

'My daughter read on the internet about a hip replacement with free built-in MP3 player,'

"I only told a few friends."

'I have the MRI scan of your brain. The right hemisphere is clogged with computer passwords.'

Spam traps on mobiles

"Yes, I'm a superhero. I'm not attractive, muscular or charming because I work in the 'cyber crimes' division."

"...And those are some of the books I would have read if the Internet had never been invented."

Too many people post comments in the heat of anger. They strike while the ire is hot!

"Well, who you gonna believe? Me or Wikipedia?"

"We understand you're not happy with our privacy policy."

"When I was a kid there was no internet. If you wanted to bully someone, you had to do it to their face."

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

Come to bed, Snookums. In a minute. Are you still playing Scrabble? And flaming my opponents. I just crushed an eight-year-old by 100 points and then told him his parents don't love him because he's illiterate! How nice you've found a hobby. I feel so nurtured.

"My goodness, Gurkenham! This is the worst case of identity theft I've ever seen!"

"Jeez, Alice, at least Google him first."

"We don't need a digital security guard. Hackers don't actually come to our house."

'I'm pleased to announce the newly-created 'Office of Homepage Security' - to protect against computer hackers.'

"Whatever the politicians might decide, I'm well prepared because I've got enough hate comments for the next five years!"

That night, Andy attempted to start a Twitter revolution.

"Ms Hathaway, I need to test my mettle. Find someone on social media who thinks they can bully me."

Psychiatry. Why go on a voyage of self-discovery when I can just Google myself?

Meta data retention.

'Well, as a matter of fact, I think you're a pinhead too!'