Interior Design Fanatics Pillows

Sal's recent remodeling accommodated his many beer-gut-impaired customers.

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

'Is that the only wallpaper you could find?!'

"Don't tell me... you hired a professional decorator!"

Painting the Ceiling

Fittd shēt

"I just love how wet you've made things in here."

"Oh, wow! Is that stunning or what?" "Mid-century classic. Should be in a museum. Let's pee on it." "Totally."

Four Common Lampshade Mistakes and How To Avoid Them.

"And this is a $20,000 ‘meditation room’ — can you believe it?!!"

"OK, last time: Cado teak lounge chair from Denmark – me. Doggy bed – you."

"I only scratch up the furniture hoping they'll replace it with something more stylish."

"If it's got my ass on it, it's befitting of royalty."

Waiting Room Quarterly

Lay-Z-Family Recliner

"How much?! Blimey, to get my money's worth, I'd need to use it EVERY WEEK!"

'You had to put a skylight in didn't you?'

Unknowingly, with one swish of his blood soaked mammoth tail he was inflicting pain and suffering on billions of unborn people. Home decorating had been invented.

"The artist-in-residence is struggling a bit, but other than that we're fine."

"It's beautiful. I'm just not sure it's $800 beautiful."

"I'm ready to go whenever you're through fussing with tablescapes."

Clown couple in bed with wavy mirror above their bed.

"Yup, looks like your bookcase is full. You might want to start thinking about getting a new one."

"Hey, take me home with you! Position me at a slight angle next to the elegant glass soap dispenser in the guest bathroom. It'll look great, you'll see!"

'Oh, honey, what a lovely house... We'll place the couch here, the cupboard there and my psychiatrist right here!'

'For heaven's sake Janet - where have you disappeared to now?'

Waiting to do the second coat was the worst part. It was like watching paint dry.

"I worry about you, Dinkins. . . you seem to be losing the big picture."

'I love what you've not done with the place.'

"The point of going outside is the feeling when coming back inside."

Castle Realty. Of course, for resale value, I'd suggest converting the dungeon into a rec room.

"The mirrors really do make this apartment look bigger."

Yellow Fever: What you may catch if your painter sneezes.

"Sir, there are no waitresses or menus — this is Crate & Barrel."

"Hmmm. Not sure it will go with my wife."