Intergenerational Conversationalist Pillows

'You're lucky you're just a kid and don't have to worry about things like going out and getting a job when you're supposed to be retired.'

"Could I ask you for a dollar without having to hear how tough you had it when you were my age?"

"So, what do you do for play?"

"These are my fish cymbalta, otezla, skyrizi, vraylar and stelara!"

Pet Shop - Parrot labeled as 'Good Listener'

'Well, isn't this nice? Three generations all sitting down together.'

'Grandpa, what was manufacturing?'

Not-so-easy listening...

"We're looking forward to this little bundle of joy bringing out the worst in each of us."

Dear Sadie, I'm just an aging Baby-Boomer who still believes in America, and sees all the good around me, but I don't understand why we've become so mean. How can I feel good about us again? Signed, Marlemarion. Great question. There's an easy answer as to how you can feel better about the world. Change your name to something normal! I just don't agree with the @#$% premise that we've gotten mean.

"It's a fortuitous coincidence that the greatest moments in music history were when I was in high school."

"Bob's into politics. Date Night is more like Debate Night."

Subway. The economy is surging! I hope protections are in place. In a digital world, a surge can lead to a system crash.

'If you'll excuse me, I'm going to work the room.'

'All you do is stare at the TV. When I was a kid we have to be content with staring at the radio.'

"Without a doubt... the first sixty!"

"Hey, Gramps. You believe in life after death?" "Boy. At my age I'm not even sure about life after my morning BM."

"Quite frankly I can't wait to see how your generation messes up everything."

Yeah, I'm taking care of my parents now, too.

'Grandpa, what was the most romantic thing you ever tweeted grandma?'

New Age: Retirement Plan

"You've been avoiding me." "Have not, Uncle Mort." "For weeks, you've been dashing out of rooms as soon as I entered." "Coincidence." "What about when I knocked on your door yesterday and you jumped out the back window?" "Look, Uncle Mort, I just didn't want to go through what I went through in 1994." "I was just going to say one thing about the 30th anniversary of the OJ Simpson 'trial of the century!'" "You would think the 'trial of the century' would've been the Nuremberg trials!"

'Whoa, Buddy, I think you've had enough...'

This is Dr. Sadie. What's your question, caller? How can I tell if my cold is really bronchitis? Stop yer sniveling. In my day, a body would hope it was bronchitis. It gave you a chance to prove your grit! Nothing like a touch of burning pain, wheezing, and crackling in the chest to separate the women from the girls. What kind of doctor are you, again?

When you get to be my age, you start to notice certain patterns in the river of history. You start to notice, for instance, that the winner always loses. What's that mean? Every great power defines itself as the opposite of its main enemy. Once that enemy is defeated, the great power loses its virtues, its unity ... even its identity. The great power then either creates new enemies, or it fades into history. (Yawn) Old people talk a lot. What I'm saying is, you were not my first "Rudy Park," and

"I invited my friends over so we can see how much your generation is leaving us to pay off!"

'Just a minute, Mom...Grandpa needs help getting the child-proof caps off his medication bottles.'

"Hey, this is on me!"

'Yes that's right I ordered 2 doubles. Why, did you want a drink too?'

Grandma

'Nine out of ten doctors think excessive drinking is bad for your health.'

"I'm filled with the holiday spirit. Single malt scotch."

"How does drinking help with your brainstorming ideas?"

"My grandma needs reading glasses to read. I guess they only taught writing and 'rithmetic back in her day."

The Primal Scream.