Intergenerational Communicator Pillows

"Hey, Gramps. You believe in life after death?" "Boy. At my age I'm not even sure about life after my morning BM."

When you get to be my age, you start to notice certain patterns in the river of history. You start to notice, for instance, that the winner always loses. What's that mean? Every great power defines itself as the opposite of its main enemy. Once that enemy is defeated, the great power loses its virtues, its unity ... even its identity. The great power then either creates new enemies, or it fades into history. (Yawn) Old people talk a lot. What I'm saying is, you were not my first "Rudy Park," and

A family with mustaches talking on their cellphones.

"These are my fish cymbalta, otezla, skyrizi, vraylar and stelara!"

Oh, no

"I've been listening to your podcast. And though I agree with your opinion on deforestation and global warming, I strongly disagree with your claim that I overcook my pasta."

'Well, isn't this nice? Three generations all sitting down together.'

'Grandpa, what was manufacturing?'

"Grandpa's not tech savvy. If I want to unfriend someone, I say, 'I don't like you anymore' to their face."

"I'm going to need more minutes. I'm texting for two now!"

Not-so-easy listening...

"We're looking forward to this little bundle of joy bringing out the worst in each of us."

Dear Sadie, I'm just an aging Baby-Boomer who still believes in America, and sees all the good around me, but I don't understand why we've become so mean. How can I feel good about us again? Signed, Marlemarion. Great question. There's an easy answer as to how you can feel better about the world. Change your name to something normal! I just don't agree with the @#$% premise that we've gotten mean.

When it comes to texting, she's all thumbs.'

"It's a fortuitous coincidence that the greatest moments in music history were when I was in high school."

'You're lucky you're just a kid and don't have to worry about things like going out and getting a job when you're supposed to be retired.'

"Moses, it's your mother. It's the only way I could get hold of you. You never call."

"Hi, it's me. My mum's confiscated my mobile." (Kid talks to friend using margarine tub and string).

"No need to Whatsapp me dear, I'm right here."

"Hello mother. . ."

"Without a doubt... the first sixty!"

"We want to make sure that your wish for us to give you grandchildren has nothing to do with your concerns about future vacancies at your chicken processing plant."

So this is what civilization has come to at the dawn of the new millennium. Impressive, huh? What are you looking at? Nothing mother! Sigh! How come you get along better with my child than I do? We trade. She shows me all the crucial elements of pop culture. And I show her ... A life without Lady Gaga is still worth living! Phizzz.

"Quite frankly I can't wait to see how your generation messes up everything."

"My dad and I are trading important life skills. He's teaching me how to change the oil in the car."

Yeah, I'm taking care of my parents now, too.

'Now you call? Now that fierce competition has reduced long-distance to little more than a cheap, unprofitable commodity. Now you call your mother?'

'Grandpa, what was the most romantic thing you ever tweeted grandma?'

This is Dr. Sadie. What's your question, caller? How can I tell if my cold is really bronchitis? Stop yer sniveling. In my day, a body would hope it was bronchitis. It gave you a chance to prove your grit! Nothing like a touch of burning pain, wheezing, and crackling in the chest to separate the women from the girls. What kind of doctor are you, again?

'I would like to have a little talk with both of you!'

New Age: Retirement Plan

An old man and young man who are mirror images of each other pass on a street

'Just a minute, Mom...Grandpa needs help getting the child-proof caps off his medication bottles.'

"I invited my friends over so we can see how much your generation is leaving us to pay off!"

'I speak six languages fluently but I don't understand my teenager daughter.'