Young Conversationalist Pillows

'If you'll excuse me, I'm going to work the room.'

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

"To be honest, I don't mind the cold, and being an introvert, and slightly antisocial, I really treasure the quiet time when the others have flown south..."

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

Pet Shop - Parrot labeled as 'Good Listener'

Remember my mum? I took that photo a week before she died. There's one of me...that was a good haircut.

'That's the corkage fee you wanted to ask about, Jack, not the cleavage fee!'

My wife's been talking to the skin I shed for over an hour.

"I'd love to go out with you. Do I have to have time to change."

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

"No, I don't think you have 'multiple personality disorder'. In fact, I don't think you have a personality at all."

Shrewsbury - pronunciation

"I've been in the doghouse ever since I tried to get my mother-in-law hanged as a witch."

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

'Take this stick-drive and open the file 'John's Emotional Baggage'. It'll save a lot of time.'

'Casual Friday's never caught on in this department.'

"The most obvious side-effect of having a chip implanted in my brain is a constant craving for onion dip."

'If you'll excuse me, I'm going to work the room.'

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

"Want to score some flu shots.?"

'It's not so much you having a cockroach problem - it's more along the lines of us having a human problem.'

'I just like tequila for the worm.'

Person talks on phone as other blogs.

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

"I giggle when I laugh." "I pee when I sneeze."

People I've Met At Parties Whose Names I've Forgotten

When it comes to texting, she's all thumbs.'

"Sofia, right? You hung out in the back of Professor Dillof’s anatomy lectures."

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious day when you're ripe and not yet mealy?"

'This month I'll be cooked & my bones ripped apart in a wishing contest.'

Mobile Phones, "Now we are together we will proceed to the business of the day."

'I wonder if you'd go out with me. I've always wanted to go to couples therapy.'

"Don't worry, I'm a doctor."