Intergalactic Explorers Gifts

Exactly what does it take to get you to pull over and ask for directions?

"We abduct one old cow, and suddenly we're 'not welcome' any more?"

It's the Ask Sadie Advice Hour. "Sad in Seattle," you're on. What's your problem?! House of Java.net Cybercafe. I discovered my dad is a conspiracy theorist. He says Obama's not American, we never landed on the moon, and someone went back in time and re-edited Star Wars to give C-3PO one silver leg. Stop yer sniveling! Have you any idea how lucky you are to have a father who cared enough about you to give you such priceless material with which to mock him? Papa Cohen never did anything mock-wort

'Genuine Venutian Bistro.'

"Harold! Are you awake? I think you've left your torch on."

Rocket Launch Control Centre Back in 10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1

...and then I...wait....What's that?? Whoa! We're on a spaceship! This is fun! Hey! What's this button do? Can I pull this lever? Are we there yet? Take a selfie with us? Do we get snacks? Can I drive? Are we there yet? Something we said? Just imagine if we'd been obnoxious!

"Abduction 101, when abducting eggs from a primitive planet always lower the temperature in the ship!"

An astronaut fishes in volcanoes on another planet.

High-gravity baseball

"Take me to your mechanic."

'Oh great. Our luggage has been sent to Alpha Centauri.'

'You've orbited the Earth in a NASA spacecraft! Wow! Me, I've jumped over the Moon...'

Alien embryo growing in earth.

"Take us to your inclusive leader."

'Kids, today, Xerf brought in a planet that he found. Now if we look at it closely under the microscope, you can still see it's inhabitants scrambling around.'

Science fiction fans on other planets

Dancing with the Star Wars

"I'm so sorry I let you talk me into letting you take your pet along on this trip!"

"Hold on - I need to tell the credit card company I'm going on a trip."

"What gear are we in, biscuit?"

'Great job Zork, we're lost... you couldn't find Uranus with both hands and a flashlight!'

Newborn Cosmonaut

Christmas on Other Planets.

"Let's f**k up Mars!"

"We found three sort-of Earthlike planets around a nearby star." "Do you think any of them have video games?" "I've been trying to work out the odds of an intelligent species arising and evolving thumbs capable of holding an X-box controller." "Proof of video games would change everything." "I wonder what the aliens on those planets consider sexy." "Living beings creating simulated beings they can smash is the hallmark of an intelligent species."

'Well, somebody on this stupid little planet ordered an extra-large with pepperoni and mushrooms!'

"Every abductee gets a souvenir mug."

'Three zillion, five hundred trillion and sixty seven billion light years from Zog and now you tell me you've forgot to cancel the milk!'

An astronaut parties with aliens on the wing of his spaceship.

Field Trip!

'Yo, Corona! Pack your stuff! You've been traded.'

"Not that it's right, but I understand. I was young once and used to sneak out to do crop circle, too."

The Porkypine Pals - Moon Business

Take me to your leader. . .