Intergalactic Diplomats Gifts

You've reached Trump. At last! We've finally reached the leader of your blue rock. We come bearing scientific advances. You're so boring. Listen to you. I fail to understand your form of greeting. I-fail-to-understand-your-form-of-greeting … I prefer people who understand, that's all I'll say. We don't need your scientific advances. I don't know where you're from. You're all dangerous, bloodthirsty monsters. Although some of you, I assume, are good people. I say we blow up this geographic area a

"Please ask your pet to kindly put down the weapon."

An astronaut fishes in volcanoes on another planet.

"Abduction 101, when abducting eggs from a primitive planet always lower the temperature in the ship!"

'We can't go on meeting like this'.

"Take me to your mechanic."

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

"My owner is teaching me to think before barking, which gave Federal Express plenty of time to clobber me."

"Your credentials are impressive, Carter but... quite frankly, Mr. Biggles doesn't seem to like you."

It's not a bad planet -- Their talk shows make it seem a lot worse than it is.

"What the hell, sweetheart―if you want it, it's yours!"

"I'm so sorry I let you talk me into letting you take your pet along on this trip!"

The ecumenical dinner party.

"Let's f**k up Mars!"

"What gear are we in, biscuit?"

'Well, somebody on this stupid little planet ordered an extra-large with pepperoni and mushrooms!'

"Hold on - I need to tell the credit card company I'm going on a trip."

Christmas on Other Planets.

'Three zillion, five hundred trillion and sixty seven billion light years from Zog and now you tell me you've forgot to cancel the milk!'

"Every abductee gets a souvenir mug."

'...And you're always complaining about the government's international trade agreements'

'Our basic package is no frills, no chew toys, no extra Kibbles, and narry a pat on the head from management...'

Hello, you've reached the private line of the Secretary of Defense. At last! We tried calling you all day yesterday to alert you to an imminent threat. How did you get this number? It was coming straight at your nation-state at speeds approaching Kebin 2. What are you talking about? What's "Klebin 2"? Apologies. In earthlingese that would be "mach 23," or 24.140.16 kilometers per hour. Good lord! I'd better wake ... Not to worry. Our sensors locked on to it as soon as it launched from your North

Woah, This was well worth swapping my flying saucer for!

"Take us to Disneyworld then, if there's time, to your leader."

'Yo, Corona! Pack your stuff! You've been traded.'

'Ok - I'm reaching out!'

"Shoulda brought the weed."

'Well, that's how we mix martinis around here.'

'Sorry, I'm a stranger here myself.'

'...it's some distance away - but there are lots of 'em and they're edible.'

"Do you think it's a form of greeting?"

"Remember everybody, this is planet Earth, so whatever you do, don't drink the water!"

"Did you bring more cars?"

Doctors without borders, gravity, or air.