Intergalactic Diplomats T-Shirts

"Please ask your pet to kindly put down the weapon."

"Abduction 101, when abducting eggs from a primitive planet always lower the temperature in the ship!"

An astronaut fishes in volcanoes on another planet.

"Take me to your mechanic."

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

'We can't go on meeting like this'.

"Your credentials are impressive, Carter but... quite frankly, Mr. Biggles doesn't seem to like you."

The ecumenical dinner party.

"I'm so sorry I let you talk me into letting you take your pet along on this trip!"

"What the hell, sweetheart―if you want it, it's yours!"

"Every abductee gets a souvenir mug."

"Hold on - I need to tell the credit card company I'm going on a trip."

'Well, somebody on this stupid little planet ordered an extra-large with pepperoni and mushrooms!'

'Three zillion, five hundred trillion and sixty seven billion light years from Zog and now you tell me you've forgot to cancel the milk!'

"What gear are we in, biscuit?"

'...And you're always complaining about the government's international trade agreements'

'Our basic package is no frills, no chew toys, no extra Kibbles, and narry a pat on the head from management...'

'Sorry, I'm a stranger here myself.'

Woah, This was well worth swapping my flying saucer for!

'Yo, Corona! Pack your stuff! You've been traded.'

"Shoulda brought the weed."

'Ok - I'm reaching out!'

"Do you think it's a form of greeting?"

'...it's some distance away - but there are lots of 'em and they're edible.'

'Well, that's how we mix martinis around here.'

"Remember everybody, this is planet Earth, so whatever you do, don't drink the water!"

'I've been depressed ever since PBS said pigs are smarter than dogs!'

"Did you bring more cars?"