Animal Diplomat T-Shirts

Cat pleads into mouse hole: 'Can't we talk about this?'

'He's a pacifist. He's using the voice of reason.'

Growl - Hiss Conflict Resolution Meeting

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

"Look, he just wants to apologize for scaring the daylights out of you yesterday. ... Mr. Squirrel? ..."

'We can't go on meeting like this'.

"My owner is teaching me to think before barking, which gave Federal Express plenty of time to clobber me."

"Your credentials are impressive, Carter but... quite frankly, Mr. Biggles doesn't seem to like you."

'Please forgive me for anything I've said or left unsaid.'

'Our basic package is no frills, no chew toys, no extra Kibbles, and narry a pat on the head from management...'

"I'm OK. But I think the dog wants to go out."

"Three yummies, a pat on the head, and a 'Good doggy.' That's my client's final offer."

'I've been depressed ever since PBS said pigs are smarter than dogs!'

"Here's another fine mess you've gotten us into."

"Forget George, he scarfs down everything in sight. Aunt Rose and Grandma are good for slipping us a slice. Most important, the kids are sloppy. We're bound to find some juicy scraps under their chairs. Stay alert!"

Landing That Tough Account

'It's Always 'Good Dog'—Never 'Great Dog.'

'A listener from Ridgeway asks, 'When visiting a friend, is it improper to drink out of the toilet unless asked first?' Good question...'

'A Telegram, M'Lord.'

"I'm just saying, studies show that owning a human can improve the quality of your life."

'Don't forget to talk about their dog!'

'Oh, yes, you will get off!'

'You can't charm me out of this chair.'

"Wow, interesting, looks like she's not just being mean: research shows that chocolate is actually bad for us. . ."

'If I eat three more pieces of meat and three more spoonfuls of peas, I want three puddings after!'

"I'm about ready to forgive the French."

"I hear the food's good. But try to get a table."

Good duck, bad duck.

Bipartisan.

"It was humiliating! First, he told me to beg and then he wanted me to roll over and pretend I was dead...so, I bit him!"

Advantages of Growing Older

"Maybe some of us don't want to give ourselves a round of applause for agreeing to restore the delicate balance of our ecosystem."

Cat thrusts note through mousehole that reads 'Can't we talk about this?'

'Okay, how do we do this?'

"Is your dog going to rip our heads off … I mean, friendly?"