Pet Diplomat T-Shirts

"There, are you happy?"

"Look, he just wants to apologize for scaring the daylights out of you yesterday. ... Mr. Squirrel? ..."

"How about when they say - right in front of you - 'Oh, I'm more of a cat person'... like that doesn't hurt?"

Bipartisan.

Growl - Hiss Conflict Resolution Meeting

'We can't go on meeting like this'.

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

"Your credentials are impressive, Carter but... quite frankly, Mr. Biggles doesn't seem to like you."

'We consult those with whom we agree, which is why I rarely consult my conscience.'

'Please forgive me for anything I've said or left unsaid.'

'Our basic package is no frills, no chew toys, no extra Kibbles, and narry a pat on the head from management...'

"Three yummies, a pat on the head, and a 'Good doggy.' That's my client's final offer."

'I've been depressed ever since PBS said pigs are smarter than dogs!'

"Here's another fine mess you've gotten us into."

Landing That Tough Account

"Forget George, he scarfs down everything in sight. Aunt Rose and Grandma are good for slipping us a slice. Most important, the kids are sloppy. We're bound to find some juicy scraps under their chairs. Stay alert!"

'They aren't shy about cutting you out of the decision making process.'

'It's Always 'Good Dog'—Never 'Great Dog.'

"After all the trouble I've been in lately, I decided to hire a PR firm to repair my image."

'A Telegram, M'Lord.'

'A listener from Ridgeway asks, 'When visiting a friend, is it improper to drink out of the toilet unless asked first?' Good question...'

'Okay, let's negotiate. Just how good do I have to be?'

'Don't forget to talk about their dog!'

'Oh, yes, you will get off!'

"Wow, interesting, looks like she's not just being mean: research shows that chocolate is actually bad for us. . ."

'If I eat three more pieces of meat and three more spoonfuls of peas, I want three puddings after!'

"I'm about ready to forgive the French."

'You can't charm me out of this chair.'

Good duck, bad duck.

Advantages of Growing Older

"It was humiliating! First, he told me to beg and then he wanted me to roll over and pretend I was dead...so, I bit him!"

"There's nothing like dog-walking for making new friends...."

"I hear the food's good. But try to get a table."

Cat thrusts note through mousehole that reads 'Can't we talk about this?'

Cat pleads into mouse hole: 'Can't we talk about this?'