Galactic Diplomat T-Shirts

"Take us to your Mayor Bloomberg."

Statesman, Scientist, Author and Treky.

'How the intergalactic war started?"

Serious business

"Please ask your pet to kindly put down the weapon."

Growl - Hiss Conflict Resolution Meeting

"Look, he just wants to apologize for scaring the daylights out of you yesterday. ... Mr. Squirrel? ..."

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

'We can't go on meeting like this'.

"Your credentials are impressive, Carter but... quite frankly, Mr. Biggles doesn't seem to like you."

"My owner is teaching me to think before barking, which gave Federal Express plenty of time to clobber me."

It's not a bad planet -- Their talk shows make it seem a lot worse than it is.

"What the hell, sweetheart―if you want it, it's yours!"

'Our basic package is no frills, no chew toys, no extra Kibbles, and narry a pat on the head from management...'

"Shoulda brought the weed."

'Ok - I'm reaching out!'

Hello, you've reached the private line of the Secretary of Defense. At last! We tried calling you all day yesterday to alert you to an imminent threat. How did you get this number? It was coming straight at your nation-state at speeds approaching Kebin 2. What are you talking about? What's "Klebin 2"? Apologies. In earthlingese that would be "mach 23," or 24.140.16 kilometers per hour. Good lord! I'd better wake ... Not to worry. Our sensors locked on to it as soon as it launched from your North

"Do you think it's a form of greeting?"

"Three yummies, a pat on the head, and a 'Good doggy.' That's my client's final offer."

'I've been depressed ever since PBS said pigs are smarter than dogs!'

"Here's another fine mess you've gotten us into."

Barack Skywalker

"Forget George, he scarfs down everything in sight. Aunt Rose and Grandma are good for slipping us a slice. Most important, the kids are sloppy. We're bound to find some juicy scraps under their chairs. Stay alert!"

Landing That Tough Account

'It's Always 'Good Dog'—Never 'Great Dog.'

'A Telegram, M'Lord.'

'Don't forget to talk about their dog!'

"I'm just saying, studies show that owning a human can improve the quality of your life."

"Wow, interesting, looks like she's not just being mean: research shows that chocolate is actually bad for us. . ."

"I'm about ready to forgive the French."

'You can't charm me out of this chair.'

'Oh, yes, you will get off!'

"Take us to your diversity outreach consultant."

Advantages of Growing Older

"I hear the food's good. But try to get a table."